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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡΄ has downloaded:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ή has shared:

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¨ has copied:

I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡§ has viewed:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡³ has bookmarked:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ί has copied:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

There’s never a good place to clip your toenails at the library.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

I alway get the same thing every year for Christmas. Fat!

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡² has downloaded:

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

2382 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,544

Funny Quotes Topics

15,227

Funny Quotes Images

12,544

Updated

6 hours ago

Users Online

3,456

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just shared via Telegram:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Reported on Slack:

Self-cleaning conscience.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Trending via Threads:

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

Spotted on Discord:

Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch.

Just shared via Threads:

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

Reported on Reddit:

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

2382 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,544

Funny Quotes Topics

15,227

Funny Quotes Images

12,544

Updated

6 hours ago

Users Online

3,450

Funny Quotes of the Month πŸš€

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡© has shared:

It’s a good thing when your therapist sits down with a bucket of popcorn, right?

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ό has bookmarked:

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡· has downloaded:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Someone from πŸ‡ΎπŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡± has viewed:

Dating apps never work for me because I need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡­ has bookmarked:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

God saw you do that.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ί has shared:

β€œCareful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡» has downloaded:

I hate how everything is organic now. I miss chemicals.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

Just shared via Discord:

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

Live now on X:

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

Reported on Slack:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

Reported on LinkedIn:

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

Breaking via Twitch:

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Live now on X:

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

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