5,000+ funny quotes — Page 4 of 381 — Wordgag ツ

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

Funny Quotes August 25, 2024

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

Funny Quotes September 9, 2024

I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.

Funny Quotes May 7, 2024

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Funny Quotes August 12, 2024

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

Funny Quotes June 4, 2024

My hair dryer is so powerful that it doubles as my leaf blower.

Funny Quotes July 3, 2024

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Funny Quotes August 25, 2024

When does hibernation actually begin? I wanna take part this year.

Funny Quotes October 21, 2023

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

Funny Quotes July 23, 2024

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

Funny Quotes September 29, 2023

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

Funny Quotes June 11, 2024

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Funny Quotes May 10, 2024

Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

Funny Quotes August 19, 2024