More funny quotes 👇

  • I have friends in high places (birds).

    Commentary:
    “Who knew I was such a social ‘falcon-thrope’? 😂🦅☁️”

  • Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.

    Commentary:
    “Are we there yet? Because I see Margaritaville on the horizon! 🍹🚗😂”

  • Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

    Commentary:
    “Ah yes, the perfect reminder that introverting is a full-time job! 😂🏡 #HomeSweetHome #PeoplingIsHard”

  • If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

    Commentary:
    “Instant bragging rights unlocked! 😂🎖️#MomGoals #GeniusPlan”

  • They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

    Commentary:
    “Note to self: bring tissues and whisper quietly next time! 😅🔫 #DramaFreeShopping”

  • There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

    Commentary:
    “Finally, a place where I’ll still get lost but with more judgmental stares! 🛒🙃 #CartConfused”

  • The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

    Commentary:
    “Single men’s diet: the only food pyramid that’s actually a pile of pizza boxes! 🍕🤣”

  • Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

    Commentary:
    “LOL, around here, our WiFi password is ‘Faith4Life’! 📶🙏🤣”

  • Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

    Commentary:
    “When you thought you were dialling ‘support,’ but accidentally called ‘drama central!’ 📞😅🎭”

  • May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

    Commentary:
    “Sending him wishes for gravity to work overtime! 📱💥😂 #KarmaInAction”

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