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5,000+ funny quotes

Don’t you hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes?

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Funny Quotes May 6, 2024

Anyone who doesn’t like me snoring, doesn’t deserve me moaning either.

Funny Quotes June 9, 2024

After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

Funny Quotes October 2, 2023

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

It was me, I let the dogs out.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Funny Quotes May 6, 2024

11 out of 10 women are always right.

Funny Quotes October 27, 2023

I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

Funny Quotes September 24, 2024

I’m fighting for free speech. Mine, not yours, so be quiet.

Funny Quotes August 1, 2024

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Funny Quotes September 19, 2024

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

Funny Quotes August 12, 2024

Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023