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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

My favorite condiment is Worcestershire sauce. Why? It’s hard to say.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Maturing is realizing you’re not stable enough to do mushrooms.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Do you also have teenagers whose styling motto is: freeze to death for coolness?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2382 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,544

Funny Quotes Topics

15,227

Funny Quotes Images

12,544

Updated

4 hours ago

Users Online

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

Live now on Messenger:

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

Making waves on WeChat:

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

Spotted on Slack:

That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

Breaking via Instagram:

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Going viral on X:

That’s not fat. It’s bonus content.

Just shared via Reddit:

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

Going viral on Messenger:

In case of a disaster, women and children are being evacuated first so men can think about a solution in peace.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Not only is it not Friday, it’s not even Thursday.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

Home » Funny Anything Quotes » Page 2

122 Funny anything quotes

More funny anything quotes 👇

1 week ago
Share →: No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Commentary:
" 'We'll see' is just parental code for 'Not a chance!' 😂👀🚫"
1 week ago
Share →: I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

Commentary:
Sounds like my superpower is "Procrastination Man" swooping in right before the clock runs out! ⏰🦸‍♂️📚
1 week ago
Share →: The sheer audacity of life to ask anything of me today.

Commentary:
Life must have lost my "Do Not Disturb" sign 😂🙄🚫
1 week ago
Share →: I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

Commentary:
Time flies when you're procrastinating like a pro! 😅⏳✌️
1 week ago
Share →: I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

Commentary:
Feeling generous until they actually reach out for the 27th time! 😂✉️🙈
1 week ago
Share →: Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

Commentary:
Once this broccoli becomes a lawyer, there are no excuses left! 🌿📚💼
1 week ago
Share →: My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

Commentary:
Looks like the shopping list got a condiment-ary makeover! 🛒📝🍅
2 weeks ago
Share →: My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

Commentary:
Guess I'm fluent in the language of thoughtful silence! 🤐😂
2 weeks ago
Share →: For those who don’t want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they’re making a male version that doesn’t listen to anything.

Commentary:
Alexa's cousin: the ultimate selective hearing expert! 🤐👂😂
2 weeks ago
Share →: Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Commentary:
Looks like it's time for a doughnut support group for neglected bagels 🍩🥯😅

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

My favorite pirate song is “Aye of the Tiger”

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

Seen just now on Slack:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I really don’t believe all of these women are actually named “Sassy”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

Breaking via Telegram:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Just landed via YouTube:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Going viral on Instagram:

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

Breaking via Twitch:

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

122 Funny anything quotes

More funny anything quotes 👇

For even more funny anything quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny anything quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Stop checking your phone every minute. No one loves you.

I need a Netflix show called: “Background noise while you scroll on your phone.”

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your parents are very disappointed in you.

Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

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