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67 Funny anything quotes

Getting tired without doing anything is an art form.

3 months ago

9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

3 months ago

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

3 months ago

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

3 months ago

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

3 months ago

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

3 months ago

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

3 months ago

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

3 months ago

Going down a rabbit hole if anyone wants anything.

3 months ago

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

3 months ago

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

3 months ago

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

3 months ago

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

3 months ago

Ever since I learned the show is called Suits because of lawsuits and not because they wear suits, I have harbored a hot white rage within me beyond anything mankind has ever known.

3 months ago

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

3 months ago

McDonald’s will “anything else” you to death. Can you wait a McMinute?

3 months ago

I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

3 months ago

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

3 months ago

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

3 months ago

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

3 months ago