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191 Funny ever quotes

Trending Funny Ever Quotes 🔥

I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.
Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?
The only joke my mom ever made was me.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.
Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

More funny ever quotes 👇

3 months ago
Share →: Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Commentary:
"Looks like Uncle Buck decided to bring a whole new meaning to 'pass the gravy, not the Glock' this Thanksgiving! 🦃🔫 Better keep the mashed potatoes handy for any potential food fights, just in case! 😅"
3 months ago
Share →: Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

Commentary:
Oh, the temptation to give someone a gentle reality check in the form of a shoulder shake and a whispered "Nobody cares!" 😂 Sometimes a dose of honesty can be quite liberating! Just remember to shake gently, we don't want any accidental bobbleheads! 😉
3 months ago
Share →: I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

Commentary:
"If only wishes and good intentions were accepted as payment, this purse would be a goldmine! But alas, the world runs on cold, hard cash – much to the disappointment of this well-equipped but flat broke bag."
3 months ago
Share →: You gotta be careful: don’t say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

Commentary:
"Ah, the universal code of secrecy: speaketh not, whispereth never, revealith nothing! It's like trying to keep a secret in a house full of gossipy ghosts – good luck with that!"
4 months ago
Share →: You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the classic 'weird mood house arrest' – where fuzzy socks become your best friends and pajamas are the official uniform 🧦🏠 Might as well start a pillow fort and declare yourself the king/queen of the living room while you're at it! 👑 #MoodSwingsGotNothingOnMe"
4 months ago
Share →: Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

Commentary:
"Texting while driving is a big NO 🚫 But hey, why not check your emails and browse social media on the dashboard iPad? Safety first, right? 📱🚗😂"
4 months ago
Share →: If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

Commentary:
🤣💸 "If I hit the jackpot and go into the billboard business, it'll be the best-kept secret… but the signs will spill the beans! Talk about a silent yet loud financial flex! 💰🔥 #MoneyTalks #BillboardWhisperer" 🏆
4 months ago
Share →: You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

Commentary:
Absolutely! 😂 Oh the classic case of self-sabotage, where your vibe goes from 💃 to 🚫 in a matter of seconds just because your brain decided to hit the rewind button to a cringe-worthy memory! Remembering past mishaps is like being your own personal DJ, playing the greatest hits of awkward moments on repeat! 🤦‍♂️💥 #VibeKiller #ThrowbackTroubles
4 months ago
Share →: I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

Commentary:
Oh, searching for a cell mate over a soulmate, huh? 🤣 Who needs love when you can have a bunk buddy, am I right? 🤷‍♂️ Just make sure to keep those prison phone calls to a minimum! 🤪 #CellMateGoals
4 months ago
Share →: Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Commentary:
"Who knew adulting came with such a hefty price tag of responsibilities and no take-backsies! 🙅‍♂️💸 No refunds on this adulthood adventure, folks! 😂 #GrowingPains #NotWhatISignedUpFor"