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100 Funny honesty quotes

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

3 months ago

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

3 months ago

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

3 months ago

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

3 months ago

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

3 months ago

At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.

3 months ago

Let’s be honest. The best moment of the day is when we take off our bra.

3 months ago

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

3 months ago

Let’s tell the truth cell phone. I don’t have six missed calls. I have six ignored calls.

3 months ago

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

3 months ago

Sorry I lied when I said “I can’t complain.”

3 months ago

I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

3 months ago

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

3 months ago

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

3 months ago

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

3 months ago

Anyone who doesn’t like me snoring, doesn’t deserve me moaning either.

3 months ago

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

3 months ago

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

3 months ago

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

3 months ago

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

3 months ago