212 Funny house quotes — Wordgag ツ

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

5 months ago5 months ago

Rappers be making you feel guilty for no reason at all: “You was in the house eating dinner while I was in the streets hungry”. Like my fault, bro.

5 months ago5 months ago

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

5 months ago5 months ago

You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

5 months ago5 months ago

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

5 months ago5 months ago

The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

6 months ago

Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

6 months ago

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

6 months ago

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think “Wow, my house looks awesome!”

6 months ago6 months ago

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

6 months ago

The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place.

6 months ago

Girls be like “forget it, I’m fine” then set your house on fire.

6 months ago

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

6 months ago

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

6 months ago

You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

6 months ago6 months ago

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

6 months ago6 months ago

You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

Mar 7, 2025Mar 7, 2025

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

Feb 25, 2025

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Feb 25, 2025

I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

Feb 25, 2025