My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea. Posted on48 minutes ago
Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you. Posted on2 hours ago
Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”. Posted on16 hours ago
I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me. Posted on23 hours ago
The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground. Posted on1 day ago
Hear me out. What if we don’t elect another president, and we all just promise to be really good? Posted on1 day ago
Since emojis have been around, I finally have a rough idea of how women feel when they don’t know what to wear. Posted on1 day ago
Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is. Posted on1 day ago
Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free? Posted on3 days ago
I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like. Posted on3 days ago
My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for. Posted on3 days ago
My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from. Posted on4 days ago
I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach. Posted on4 days ago
I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time. Posted on4 days ago
I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married. Posted on4 days ago
Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas. Posted on5 days ago
That awkward moment when you’ve said “What?” three times, so you just say “Oh, yeah..” even though you have no idea what they said. Posted on5 days ago
I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas. Posted on5 days ago
I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me. Posted on5 days ago
You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”. Posted on2 weeks ago5 days ago