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96 Funny myself quotes

I think it’s time I find myself a new inspiration, asking myself “what would Batman do?” gets me in too much trouble.

3 months ago

I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

3 months ago

I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

3 months ago

Autumn and winter are coming. The time when I make myself tea and always forget that I’ve made myself tea.

3 months ago

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

3 months ago

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

3 months ago

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

3 months ago

“I can’t possibly lose this if I put it here” I say to myself before completely forgetting where here is.

3 months ago

I don’t like who I become when I’m watching someone Google something less efficiently than I would myself.

3 months ago

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

3 months ago

Please don’t ask me to repeat myself. I wasn’t listening either.

3 months ago

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

3 months ago

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

3 months ago

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

3 months ago

Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

3 months ago

Much like an Olympic sprinter, I also load up on carbs, exert myself for roughly two minutes, and then quit for the rest of the day.

3 months ago

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

3 months ago

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

3 months ago

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

3 months ago

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

3 months ago