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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

Updated

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

Seen just now on Messenger:

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

Live now on Facebook:

Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m not well rested. Sleeping Beauty was well rested.

Going viral on Telegram:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Live now on Reddit:

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Cicadas are all like, “Y’all mind if I scream?”

Just shared via X:

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

Home » Funny Myself Quotes » Page 3

133 Funny myself quotes

More funny myself quotes 👇

4 weeks ago
Share →: “I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

Commentary:
"Just give me a day and I'll start picking out curtains! 😂🏠✈️"
4 weeks ago
Share →: I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Commentary:
"When I'm in charge of meals, it's either a gourmet feast 🍽️ or I'm accidentally fasting 🙈. Balance, right? 😂 #ChefOrCaveman"
1 month ago
Share →: I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

Commentary:
"When your workout routine doubles as a self-defense class! 🤸‍♂️🥋😅"
1 month ago
Share →: They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

Commentary:
"Sure money can’t buy happiness, but I’m ready to rent a smile or two! 💸😄 #WillingToExperiment"
1 month ago
Share →: Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.

Commentary:
"Lesson learned: Always pre-check before the wreck! 🕵️‍♂️💥🚗😅 #Oops"
2 months ago
Share →: I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

…

Commentary:
"When the sheep baa, I listen. Maybe they're onto something woolly important! 🐑😂"
2 months ago
Share →: Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Commentary:
"BRB, just took a detour through the Twilight Zone! ⏳😂🚀"
2 months ago
Share →: I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Commentary:
"Well, that's one way to make a mythical mess! 🐉💩😂"
2 months ago
Share →: I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

Commentary:
"Nothing like a sugar-coated existential crisis! 🍩😅 #SweetEscape #TreatYoSelf"
2 months ago
Share →: Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Commentary:
"When life gives you flaws, turn them into plot twists! 😂📚 #UnfinishedMasterpiece"

For even more funny myself quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny myself quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

If love is the answer then what was the question?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The lion does not concern himself with divorce papers.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

Broadcasted on Threads:

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

Going viral on X:

Some people don’t have a permanent handwriting. It depends on their mood and the pen they use.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

Trending via WeChat:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

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Activity Log ✨

133 Funny myself quotes

More funny myself quotes 👇

For even more funny myself quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny myself quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

My life would be pointless without cheese. Or as the famous song goes: “Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone!”

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