37 funny pick quotes - Wordgag ツ

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.

Feb 3, 2026

Unmarried in your 30s should honestly be rebranded as – ‘Congrats, you didn’t pick the wrong person out of panic’.

Feb 3, 2026

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

Feb 3, 2026

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

Feb 2, 2026

Runners who smoke need to pick a side.

Feb 2, 2026

I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.

Feb 2, 2026

When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.

Feb 2, 2026

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

Feb 2, 2026

I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.

Feb 1, 2026

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Feb 1, 2026

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

Feb 1, 2026

Can we get some A.I. to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots need to be poets?

Feb 1, 2026

Turns out the honeymoon phase lasts forever when you pick the right partner.

Feb 1, 2026

Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

Jan 31, 2026

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Jan 31, 2026

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Jan 31, 2026

They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.

Jan 31, 2026

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

Jan 31, 2026Feb 25, 2026

If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

Jan 30, 2026

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

Jan 30, 2026

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

Jan 29, 2026

I’m so lazy, I let my battles pick me.

Jan 29, 2026

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick the one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Jan 28, 2026

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Jan 23, 2026

I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.

Jan 23, 2026

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

Jan 23, 2026

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Jan 23, 2026

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

Jan 22, 2026

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

Jan 22, 2026

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Jan 22, 2026

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

Jan 22, 2026

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

Jan 22, 2026

I wish I could just drop my body off at the gym and pick it up later.

Jan 21, 2026

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Jan 21, 2026

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

Jan 21, 2026

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

Jan 19, 2026

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

Jan 19, 2026