Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I love hard, but I stupid harder.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Remind the demons under your bed that you’re the landlord, raise the rent.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

50 minutes ago

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Life is weird and then you die.

Just shared via Messenger:

Uber Eats “you forgot to finish your order” notification is funny because I didn’t forget, I just came to my senses.

Going viral on TikTok:

Twitter is great because you can tweet “hi” and someone will tell you you’re wrong.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

Going viral on Reddit:

The purpose of life is to go insane sooner or later.

Spotted on Instagram:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Live now on TikTok:

I have a lot to offer! Most of it’s bad, but it’s still a lot.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I love surprising my girl, today she woke up single.

Shared recently on Reddit:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Home » Funny Thought Quotes

130 Funny thought quotes

Funny thought quotes highlight those moments when your mind goes off the rails in the most hilarious ways! 😂💭 Whether it’s the random thoughts that pop up at the most inappropriate times or the bizarre conclusions we reach, these quotes remind us that our minds are often a comedy show in their own right. After all, sometimes our funniest moments come from what we’re thinking! 😆🧠✨

New funny thought quotes 👇

5 days ago
Share →: Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

Commentary:
My brain is a Broadway star when I'm trying to sleep – tap dancing through every cringe moment 🕺💤💭😅
5 days ago
Share →: I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

Commentary:
Ah, the good old days when five bucks made me feel like a millionaire! 🤑💸
5 days ago
Share →: Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Commentary:
Guess we better start stocking up on pepperoni just in case the mosquitoes decide to swap their bloodlust for a slice obsession! 🍕🦟
5 days ago
Share →: Not having a crush is dangerous. What am I supposed to think about? What if I invent something?

Commentary:
When you're crushless, you're one coffee away from inventing a new form of procrastination 🤔💡😂
6 days ago
Share →: I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

Commentary:
Looks like my vision is starting to give me a wrinkle discount! 👓😂
1 week ago
Share →: I never thought I would say this, and it took me a while to come to terms, but I think I ate too much bacon.

Commentary:
Looks like you've gone hog wild! Time to reel it in and give the pigs a break! 🐷🥓😂
2 weeks ago
Share →: Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

Commentary:
"Crabs wondering why fish have a permanent case of the zoomies! 🦀💭🐠✈️😂"
2 weeks ago
Share →: If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Commentary:
"Yes, but only if you want to prevent a sprinkle emergency! 🚑🍦🎶"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

Commentary:
"When your brain's giving you anxiety and your stomach's giving you… something else. 💭💨 #MindFarts"
2 weeks ago
Share →: One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

Commentary:
"Sounds like a real *bust* of a night! 🤣🔫😮‍💨 #Bra-dventures"

For even more funny thought quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny thought quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

50 minutes ago

3,419

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

I’ve decided to handle this like a mature adult, I’m telling your mom.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

And then I thought to myself, “What’s the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Life’s all about crossroads and intersections; unfortunately, I’m a bad driver.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

Live now on WeChat:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

Spotted on YouTube:

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The only warning I take seriously these days is when my cell phone battery is low.

Live now on LinkedIn:

My favorite color is sunshine.

Shared recently on Discord:

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

Making waves on Telegram:

It’s been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

Just shared via Instagram:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Spotted on Threads:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Share Wordgag 🙏

© 2025. All fights retarded. 🤪

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴