191 Funny thought quotes

• They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

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  1 day ago

  bad, brain, humor, inner, inner voice, invent, invention, mind, negative, negative thought, self-talk, should, things, thought, voice, whisper

• As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.

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  2 weeks ago

  cheating, childhood, Christmas, claus, family, humor, i, kid, kissing, misunderstanding, mommy, Santa, Santa Claus, saw, song, thought, understand

• So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

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  2 weeks ago

  account, am, bank, bank account, budget, Christmas, everyone, finance, getting, gift, holiday, humor, i, just, looks, money, spending, thought

• Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

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  2 weeks ago

  2, binge, binge-watching, day, distraction, entertainment, happening, humor, movie, prevent, procrastination, thought, watching

• Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

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  3 weeks ago

  communication, confession, date, ever, every, honesty, humor, idea, love, me, relationship, tell, thought

• I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

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  3 weeks ago

  common, dance-off, expectation, going, humor, i, impromptu, interaction, social, social interaction, thought

• Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

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  3 weeks ago

  actually, am, autism, gathering, humor, i, misunderstanding, movie, movie night, night, social, social gathering, thought, watch, watching, watching movie

• Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

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  3 weeks ago

  employment, full-time, humor, job, list, lists, load, making, mental, mental load, productivity, think, thinking, thought, thoughts, work

• I love how my brain is like, “We’re not going to think about that,” and then thinks about only that.

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  3 weeks ago

  brain, distraction, going, humor, i, love, mind, only, overthinking, think, thought

• My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

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  3 weeks ago

  give, humor, i, just, kid, kids, M&M, marriage, me, room, secret, seeing, serious, snack, surprise, talk, thought, wanted, wife

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