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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Imagine having a negative opinion of me, and I have no idea who you are.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Dec 30, 2025

3,840

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

Trending via Slack:

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

Going bananas on Reddit:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Breaking via YouTube:

Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.

Spotted on TikTok:

I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.

Shared recently on Discord:

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

Breaking via YouTube:

He died doing what he did best, trying to get a croc to wear a Croc.

Trending via Reddit:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you refuse to let go of.

Trending via Telegram:

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.

191 Funny thought quotes

Funny thought quotes highlight those moments when your mind goes off the rails in the most hilarious ways! 😂💭 Whether it’s the random thoughts that pop up at the most inappropriate times or the bizarre conclusions we reach, these quotes remind us that our minds are often a comedy show in their own right. After all, sometimes our funniest moments come from what we’re thinking! 😆🧠✨

New funny thought quotes 👇

They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

0

1 day ago

bad, brain, humor, inner, inner voice, invent, invention, mind, negative, negative thought, self-talk, should, things, thought, voice, whisper
As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.

0

2 weeks ago

cheating, childhood, Christmas, claus, family, humor, i, kid, kissing, misunderstanding, mommy, Santa, Santa Claus, saw, song, thought, understand
So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

0

2 weeks ago

account, am, bank, bank account, budget, Christmas, everyone, finance, getting, gift, holiday, humor, i, just, looks, money, spending, thought
Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

0

2 weeks ago

2, binge, binge-watching, day, distraction, entertainment, happening, humor, movie, prevent, procrastination, thought, watching
Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

0

3 weeks ago

communication, confession, date, ever, every, honesty, humor, idea, love, me, relationship, tell, thought
I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

0

3 weeks ago

common, dance-off, expectation, going, humor, i, impromptu, interaction, social, social interaction, thought
Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

0

3 weeks ago

actually, am, autism, gathering, humor, i, misunderstanding, movie, movie night, night, social, social gathering, thought, watch, watching, watching movie
Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

0

3 weeks ago

employment, full-time, humor, job, list, lists, load, making, mental, mental load, productivity, think, thinking, thought, thoughts, work
I love how my brain is like, “We’re not going to think about that,” and then thinks about only that.

0

3 weeks ago

brain, distraction, going, humor, i, love, mind, only, overthinking, think, thought
My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

0

3 weeks ago

give, humor, i, just, kid, kids, M&M, marriage, me, room, secret, seeing, serious, snack, surprise, talk, thought, wanted, wife

For even more funny thought quotes, hit next 👇

All funny thought quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

The worst part of all-you-can-eat buffets are all the witnesses.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

People be like “I love your energy” – then drain it.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

I will never stop being a quitter!

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

58 shares on Twitch this month:

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

46 shares on TikTok this month:

Not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time I truly felt free.

99 shares on X this month:

Everything is about sex except Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is about power.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going spiraling, do you need anything?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

There will only be world peace if we get another Gangnam Style.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Wanna worship each other until the end of all things?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,970

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Instead of writing letters, let’s wait a week before texting each other back so it still feels like it.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Lack of sex really gets you mad at every little thing for no reason.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

I don’t want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within three weeks not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Shared recently on Instagram:

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

Just landed via TikTok:

My fridge has brought more light into my life than most people.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

Trending via Threads:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

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