Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,518

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Just landed via Telegram:

If you wear glasses, we expect a lot from you academically, especially if your glasses have a rope.

Shared recently on Slack:

The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Freshly posted on Discord:

When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask for water.

Shared recently on Threads:

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

Making waves on YouTube:

If you hide the Easter eggs while you’re drunk, nobody knows where they are.

Just shared via Twitch:

I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

Just shared via Facebook:

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

Just landed via X:

Nobody plays better together than siblings being told it’s bedtime.

285 Funny today quotes

More funny today quotes 👇

For even more funny today quotes, hit next 👇

All funny today quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on TikTok this month:

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m not like other girls. I don’t have a podcast.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

78 shares on Threads this month:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Awesome that January is over, but rude that our reward for getting through it is February.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,545

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like I’m not being listened to when I’m talking.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Saying “This reminds me of my early work,” as I walk past a Rothko.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

Shared recently on Slack:

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

Just shared via Discord:

All these deadlines, but it’s you I want to meet.

Making waves on Discord:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Just shared via Messenger:

Why is nobody questioning the quietness of the cosmos?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

Freshly posted on X:

Your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back ‘Thanks!’ to people you haven’t talked to in 5 years.

Just landed via Telegram:

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

Spreading quickly via X:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Just landed via Discord:

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴