285 Funny where quotes — Wordgag ツ

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

4 minutes ago4 minutes ago

Welcome to your 40s, where the hair shows up uninvited and looks pissed to be here.

1 hour ago1 hour ago

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

2 days ago2 days ago

Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

1 week ago1 week ago

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

2 weeks ago2 weeks ago

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

3 weeks ago3 weeks ago

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

4 weeks ago4 weeks ago

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

4 weeks ago4 weeks ago

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

4 weeks ago4 weeks ago

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

1 month ago1 month ago

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

1 month ago1 month ago

They should invent a day where it all makes sense.

1 month ago1 month ago

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

1 month ago1 month ago

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

1 month ago1 month ago

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

1 month ago1 month ago

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

2 months ago2 months ago

They should invent a day where I feel normal.

2 months ago2 months ago

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

2 months ago2 months ago

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

2 months ago2 months ago

Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

2 months ago2 months ago