Wordgag ツ

5,000+ funny quotes

I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

Funny Quotes October 27, 2023

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Funny Quotes August 12, 2024

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Funny Quotes August 9, 2024

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Funny Quotes October 12, 2023

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

Funny Quotes August 28, 2024

Wolves should really raise more people.

Funny Quotes August 9, 2024

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

A frittata is just an omelette for people too lazy to flip things.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

These people act like they’ve never seen anyone wearing a Speedo in a laundromat before.

Funny Quotes October 2, 2023

I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

Funny Quotes July 4, 2024

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

Funny Quotes September 29, 2024

Oh, I shouldn’t worry? Why didn’t I think of that?

Funny Quotes June 17, 2024

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023