336 Funny am quotes

• Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

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  1 week ago

  acting, again, am, apology, happen, humor, i, personality, self-awareness, sorry, weird

• This world is extremely kind to men, so I am not.

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  1 week ago

  am, attitude, humor, i, irony, kind, kindness, man, men, world

• Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

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  1 week ago

  age, am, being, call, car, car warranty, check, check-up, day, every, humor, i, India, little, me, older, older age, phone, phone call, scam, scam call, someone, telemarketing, warranty

• I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

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  2 weeks ago

  aging, am, bathroom, complaint, forty, frustration, going, humor, i, should, sick, time, tired

• I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

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  2 weeks ago

  adult, am, antidepressant, doing, eating, floss, flossing, going, here, humor, i, idiot, irony, just, laundry, little, responsibility, salad, self-care, taking, teeth, walk, walks, want, whatever

• So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

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  2 weeks ago

  account, am, bank, bank account, budget, Christmas, everyone, finance, getting, gift, holiday, humor, i, just, looks, money, spending, thought

• I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

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  2 weeks ago

  am, clothing, difference, fashion, gender, gender difference, humor, i, men, mini, mini skirt, options, outfit, quarter, quarter zip, skirt, why, wish, zip

• The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

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  2 weeks ago

  5, am, bed, bedtime, before, book, humor, i, insomnia, late, late night, me, night, night owl, owl, procrastination, read, reading, sleep, sleepy, thing, whole, worth

• For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

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  2 weeks ago

  again, am, exhaustion, humor, i, retired, retirement, tired, today, wondering, yes, yesterday

• Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

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  2 weeks ago

  actually, am, autism, gathering, humor, i, misunderstanding, movie, movie night, night, social, social gathering, thought, watch, watching, watching movie

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