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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Sometimes you just need to eat shredded cheese straight out of the bag.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Nothing is smaller than the X on ads to click them away.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2244 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,406

Funny Quotes Topics

15,110

Funny Quotes Images

12,406

39 minutes ago

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

I have noticed something quite worrying: after I buy more things I have less money.

Just shared via Facebook:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Spotted on Twitch:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Just realized when I get a partner, that means my family is gonna know that I have feelings.

Trending via Instagram:

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Just landed via Messenger:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Boyfriend hasn’t accepted my LinkedIn request yet. He doesn’t want to connect. He doesn’t want to build.

Going viral on Reddit:

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Just shared via Discord:

Uninstalling Instagram can increase your IQ by 10%.

Home » Funny Am Quotes

269 Funny am quotes

Funny am quotes 🌞 awaken your inner comedian with a sprinkle of morning magic! Whether you’re a sunrise enthusiast or a devoted snooze-button warrior, these witty gems will tickle your funny bone before you’ve even had your first sip of coffee. Perfect for sharing a laugh with friends or just brightening your own day, they’re the ultimate mood-lifter to kickstart your morning routine. So, rise and shine with a smile, and let these humorous nuggets transform any grumpy morning into a parade of giggles and good vibes! 😄☕️

New funny am quotes 👇

9 hours ago
Share →: My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Commentary:
The art of nighttime procrastination followed by daytime regret—I'm practically a professional insomniac! 😴☕️😂
10 hours ago
Share →: Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

Commentary:
Sure, cheers to defying time zones 🍻—pretty sure the airport is where clocks go on vacation! ✈️⏰
19 hours ago
Share →: If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

Commentary:
Planning my escape route or starring in a thriller movie—either way, stay tuned! 🤔🕵️‍♂️🚪
1 day ago
Share →: I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

Commentary:
If flies could speak English, I'd finally have someone new to ignore my ultimatums 😂🪰💬
1 day ago
Share →: “Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

Commentary:
Why chase dreams when I can perfect the art of procrastination? 🎨😴
2 days ago
Share →: I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

Commentary:
When you've spent more time explaining dial-up sounds to Gen Z than actually using the internet 🌐📞😂
2 days ago
Share →: I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3 a.m., coming back from the club.

Commentary:
Galloping home at 3 a.m.? I'd need a horse with GPS and a coffee IV! 🐴☕️😂
2 days ago
Share →: Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

Commentary:
When you turn your prayers into 'Find My Device' 😂🙏🎧
2 days ago
Share →: Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

Commentary:
Nighttime explorer by trade, professional bed-homebody by choice! 🛌🚀🙃
2 days ago
Share →: Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

Commentary:
Maybe both—I think I reached the age where I roll my eyes more than I roll out of bed! 🤦‍♂️🛌😄

For even more funny am quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny am quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2244 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,406

Funny Quotes Topics

15,110

Funny Quotes Images

12,406

39 minutes ago

3,456

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Waitress: “Do you have any questions about the menu?” Me: “What kind of font is this?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

It’s strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That’s just watching paint that’s already dry.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

Going viral on TikTok:

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

Just landed via WeChat:

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

Trending via Pinterest:

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

Live now on Reddit:

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Making waves on Threads:

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Reported on X:

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

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