76 Funny asked quotes

• I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

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  2 weeks ago

  age, asked, beauty, beauty treatment, Botox, cosmetic, cosmetic procedure, doctor, girls, got, humor, i, joke, just, look younger, me, procedure, skincare, treatment, younger, zero

• Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

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  3 weeks ago

  asked, bar, bartender, give, Google, google review, humor, insane, keep, lowkey, me, method, one-star, place, prank, review, vibe

• My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

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  3 weeks ago

  asked, call, called, fox, humor, i, joke, me, misunderstanding, phone, phone call, saw, tell, wife, work

• Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

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  4 weeks ago

  accident, accidentally, asked, cafe, humor, i, interaction, leftist, milk, normal, said, social, social interaction, speech, wanted

• I’ve been asked to join a swingers club, but I’m a little nervous. What if I’m not good enough? I haven’t been on a swing since I was 9.

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  4 weeks ago

  9, anxiety, asked, childhood, club, enough, good, humor, i, join, joke, little, nervous, situation, social, social situation, swing, swingers, swingers club

• In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

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  1 month ago

  asked, before, clean, effort, else, family, holiday, house, humor, joke, keep, live, moving, somewhere, Thanksgiving

• Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

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  1 month ago

  asked, awkwardness, communication, conversation, dating, half, hour, humor, i, just, lady, mansplaining, me, misunderstanding, silence, staring, think, trap

• A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

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  2 months ago

  1794, 1994, around, asked, bad, birth, date, date of birth, delivery, delivery driver, driver, french, French Revolution, historical, historical joke, humor, i, joke, just, mate, misunderstanding, oh, revolution, right, said, sorry

• My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

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  2 months ago

  asked, bell, class, humor, i, joke, Pavlov, professor, psych, psychology, pun, rings, said, too, wit, witty

• My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

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  2 months ago

  asked, back, came, funny moment, glasses, happening, humor, i, joke, left, literally, misunderstanding, moment, parenting, room, said, today, toddler, zoo

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