55 Funny help quotes

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  4 months ago

  View →: The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.
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  4 months ago

  View →: My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.
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  4 months ago

  View →: You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!
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  4 months ago

  View →: Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Summer is here. Always put on some suncream to help the rain run off.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.
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  5 months ago

  View →: The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Got me some lemons now for the cold. I hope the tequila helps.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!
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  5 months ago

  View →: I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.
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  5 months ago

  View →: The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Don’t you hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes?
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  5 months ago

  View →: Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I forgot how to panic. Help!

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