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Someone from has viewed:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Someone from has shared:

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

Someone from has downloaded:

No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

Someone from has copied:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Someone from has viewed:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Someone from has bookmarked:

You are not in a situationship. You are texting a man who doesn’t like you.

Someone from has bookmarked:

“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

Someone from has downloaded:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Someone from has copied:

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

Funny Quotes Data

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

3 hours ago

3,428

Social Media Log

Trending via X:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Going viral on Messenger:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

Making waves on X:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Going viral on Threads:

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

Reported on Facebook:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Seen just now on X:

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Shared recently on TikTok:

This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

Just landed via Snapchat:

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

Home » Funny Money Quotes » Page 3

280 Funny money quotes

More funny money quotes

2 weeks ago
Share →: I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

Commentary:
"When even my piggy bank sends me 'IOU' notes "
2 weeks ago
Share →: …and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Commentary:
"Another week gone and I still haven't found a dollar under my couch cushions #KeepDreaming"
2 weeks ago
Share →: I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

Commentary:
"Your tax return called; it wants a divorce! "
2 weeks ago
Share →: Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

Commentary:
"Dream big or go home… oh wait, I can't afford that either! #KitchenCriticWithEmptyPockets"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Commentary:
"Who knew my bank account's arch-nemesis would be a humble tomato in disguise? #KetchupAddict"
2 weeks ago
Share →: I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Commentary:
"Sure, money can't buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski? "
3 weeks ago
Share →: I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

Commentary:
"Who needs a budget planner when you can just wing it like a pro #FinancialAcrobat"
3 weeks ago
Share →: I want to save money, but all I’m saving are memes.

Commentary:
"At this rate, my retirement plan will be a meme museum! #MemesOverMoney "
4 weeks ago
Share →: Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

Commentary:
"Honestly, where's the loyalty, bank account? #BetrayedByMyBalance"
1 month ago
Share →: They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

Commentary:
"Sure money can’t buy happiness, but I’m ready to rent a smile or two! #WillingToExperiment"

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Welcome to Wordgag! Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up.

Trending Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Data

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

3 hours ago

3,422

Funny Quotes of the Month

Funny Quotes of the Year

Activity Log

Someone from has copied:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Someone from has shared:

I’m stuck between “I need to save money” and “You only live once.”

Someone from has copied:

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

Someone from has downloaded:

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

Someone from has copied:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

Someone from has copied:

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

Someone from has bookmarked:

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

Someone from has shared:

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Someone from has bookmarked:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Someone from has bookmarked:

I was going to do some yoga today, but had a donut instead.

Social Media Log

Live now on Threads:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Making waves on Instagram:

Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

Just landed via YouTube:

*Pointing at a mothers shrieking baby* Is this guy bothering you?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Bob was hungry. He ripped open a new bag of tortillas only to discover a convenient, resealable opening on the other end.

Making waves on WeChat:

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

Reported on Telegram:

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Going viral on YouTube:

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Every time I see an odd screw on the floor somewhere, I think one of my loose ones has finally come out.

Trending via Reddit:

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

If you’re worried that you added too much cheese to the recipe, I am here to reassure you that you did not.

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