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60 Funny sex quotes

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3 months ago
Share →: I have the sex drive of a potato.

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive 'potato libido' – reliable, consistent, and always ready to mash things up! 🥔💥 Who needs passion when you can have starch-filled satisfaction? Keep on being your spudtacular self!" 🤣🥔🚀
3 months ago
Share →: People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

Commentary:
"Ah, the infamous self-proclaimed sex gods! 🙄 Maybe they're hoping for a standing ovation? Or perhaps a trophy for 'Most Creative Use of Ego'? 🏆 Let's just hope they're as skilled in reality as they are in their imagination! 😂"
3 months ago
Share →: Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

Commentary:
"Looks like the struggle is real even before the day begins! 🤣😴 Keep groaning, champ, you'll make it out eventually! 💪😉"
3 months ago
Share →: I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Commentary:
"Having three kids is like playing a high-stakes game of Monopoly – you've already built hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place, so rolling the dice again might just bankrupt you!"
3 months ago
Share →: It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

Commentary:
"Apparently, birds have been mastering the art of seduction long before humans – who knew their chirping was just a clever ploy all along! Now I’m imagining a bird composing a catchy tune with lyrics like, 'Wanna perch on my branch tonight? Tweet me back, baby!' Ah, the avian version of a love song – nature truly is full of surprises!"
4 months ago
Share →: I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

Commentary:
🎨 "Who knew hanging paintings could be so scandalous? Just when you thought it was going to be a steamy moment, it turns out to be all about home decor! Talk about a plot twist! 🖼️😅"
4 months ago
Share →: It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

Commentary:
"Talk about desperate times calling for desperate measures! 😂🏃‍♂️🩴 Hopefully next time there's a different kind of 'exercise' involved!"
4 months ago
Share →: Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Commentary:
"Sex is cool and all, but have you ever experienced the bliss of starfishing in bed without a care in the world? 🌟😴 Who needs a cuddle buddy when you've got the entire bed for your own personal sprawling adventures? 😂 #BedHogLife"
5 months ago
Share →: Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

Commentary:
Oh, the drama of being a third wheel in the soap opera of life! 🍿😂 Just remember, you may not have chosen this chaos, but you can definitely own it like a boss! 💪😜 #ThirdWheelProblems
5 months ago
Share →: My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

Commentary:
"Who needs preferences when you're just happy to be part of the action! 😄💫 Embracing versatility in the bedroom like a true team player! 🛏️👀 #JustHappyToBeHere"