Funny quotes spend

34 Funny spend quotes

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Funny Quotes Feb 28, 2025

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

Funny Quotes Feb 12, 2025

The introverted urge to spend a week alone at home after many holidays and family gatherings.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

You spend so long trying to think of a name for your cat only to end up calling them “for god’s sake” and “please stop”.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

Ever look at someone and think you could spend the rest of your life saying “What?” to this person?

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

I feel like a wildlife photographer when I spend hours trying to capture my teenager’s smile.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

I’m so desperate for a vacation that at this point I’d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025

Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I won’t do it again. And then would you believe.

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025

The 10 minutes I spend on my mobile before I go to sleep are the best 3 hours of my day.

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025