86 Funny thinking quotes

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew getting a tan could also make you feel like a processed snack on display! 🌭😂 Just remember, you're not a hot dog, you're a hot doggone good-looking human! 😎🔥"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

  Commentary:
  "Watch out, folks! The speed demon has spoken! Enemies at every pace 🚶‍♂️⚔️ At this rate, the only safe path is to moonwalk on the sidewalk 🌟🕺 #EnemyEverywhere #NeedForSpeed"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

  Commentary:
  "Believing the bodega owner likes you is as misguided as thinking the stripper is interested in your personality. 🤣💵 Let's be real, they both just want your money, darling! 💸 #RealityCheck"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

  Commentary:
  "Considering a demotion from being an adult; my current mental state is more suited for the role of Chief Napper 😴. Grateful for the chance to adult, but these responsibilities need a timeout. 🚫🧠 #AdultingCanWait"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: How many sit-ups do I have to do before I get a six-pack? Please say 5.

  Commentary:
  Well, if only it were that easy! 🤣🏋️‍♂️ Getting a six-pack usually requires a bit more sweat and effort, but hey, maybe try doing 5 sit-ups and see if it works like magic! Just don't be surprised if you end up doing a few more after that. 💪😉

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

  Commentary:
  "Well, at least you'll have cozy feet to comfort you in your mid-life crisis 😄🧦 #SocksOverStress #RetailTherapy"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

  Commentary:
  "Whenever I encounter such individuals, I can't help but wonder if they're powered by sheer determination or just running on empty 🐹🚫💭 #hamsterwheelstruggles"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like the boss (aka YOU) is not feeling so generous with the budget lately 🤷‍♂️ Maybe it's time for a performance review with some self-reflection? 😅💼 #DIYBoss"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic 'no idea' move – the perfect blend of indifference and laziness! 🤷‍♂️ Who needs thoughtful responses when you can just cruise on the 'no idea' express? 😂 #LazyBrainsUnite"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

  Commentary:
  "Embracing the unconventional happily-ever-afters, our dreamer sets the bar high by aiming to star in a twisted fairy tale where the wolf plays the leading role 🐺. Talk about taking a bite out of life! 🌟📚 #FairyTaleGoals"

For even more funny thinking quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny thinking quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌