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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,833

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

Trending via Slack:

Parents will give you a lecture about fake friends and then get scammed by their own siblings.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

Spotted on Telegram:

People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

Going viral on Telegram:

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

Going viral on Discord:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

Making waves on Pinterest:

One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

Live now on Facebook:

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

The shitshow must go on.

172 Funny Christmas quotes

Funny Christmas quotes are the perfect way to add some laughter to the holiday season! 🎄😂 From holiday mishaps to playful takes on Christmas traditions, these quotes capture the joy and humor of the festive time. Get ready to chuckle and spread some cheer! 😄🎅

New funny Christmas quotes 👇

That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

0

3 hours ago

awareness, Christmas, confusion, date, date confusion, day, day awareness, gap, holiday, new, new year, tell, time, time gap, week, year
I hate being at the age where you feel obligated to buy your whole family gifts for Christmas, but also the age where your bank account doesn’t feel obligated to support that.

0

3 hours ago

account, adulting, age, bank, bank account, being, buy, Christmas, family, family gift, feel, finance, gift, gifts, hate, holiday, holiday shopping, humor, i, money, obligation, shopping, support, where, whole
In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

0

3 hours ago

20, always, Christmas, door, east, flight, holiday, house, humor, miles, movie, neighbor, never, next, Santa, sleigh
They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

0

9 hours ago

Christmas, deadline, excuse, game, gift, gifts, holiday, hours, humor, Japan, late, list, locked, nice, nice list, procrastination, Santa, say, still, want, whatever
Has anyone noticed what it’s beginning to look a lot like?

0

9 hours ago

anyone, beginning, Christmas, holiday, humor, lot, noticed, observation, question, season
Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

0

4 days ago

boredom, Christmas, Christmas morning, cop, cops, enforcement, excited, family, gun, hell, highway, holiday, hours, humor, ignore, law, law enforcement, morning, radar, radar gun, sit, traffic, wake
Santa went woke and gave me a small solar panel instead of coal.

0

4 days ago

Christmas, coal, gift, humor, me, panel, Santa, small, solar, solar panel, technology, woke
The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

0

4 days ago

after, appliance, Christmas, cooking, danger, dangerous, day, holiday, microwave, morning
364 days until Christmas, and people already have decorations up. Unbelievable.

0

4 days ago

Christmas, countdown, days, decoration, decorations, holiday, humor, impatience, people
We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

0

5 days ago

31st, Christmas, countdown, date, December, end, end of year, holiday, humor, new, new year, period, time, time period, void, year

For even more funny Christmas quotes, hit next 👇

All funny Christmas quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Facebook this month:

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

11 shares on YouTube this month:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

84 shares on Slack this month:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

Oh, lord. I brought my mouth with me to work today and it’s all sass. Prayers, please.

57 shares on X this month:

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

86 shares on Threads this month:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Bedrotting is so nice. Just lying in bed, using your phone comfortably.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Mentally saying “Wed-Nes-Day” when writing the word Wednesday.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Texting random numbers “It’s done.”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Wine shopping is 10% grape variety and 90% “ooohh, this one has a pretty label.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,895

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Screaming into the abyss has lost some of its effectiveness, if I’m being honest.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

This chapter of my life is called “Ummm, okay, I guess whatever.”

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

Just landed via Threads:

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Shared recently on Discord:

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Breaking via Reddit:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Shared recently on Facebook:

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Making waves on WeChat:

I love having plans to cancel.

Going viral on Slack:

They should invent something in between coffee and narcotics.

Just shared via YouTube:

What song lyric resonates with you the most? Mine is “we’re tiny, we’re toony, we’re all a little loony”

Making waves on Threads:

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

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