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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

If you apply enough sunscreen, the rain simply rolls off.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Dec 30, 2025

3,919

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

Just landed via YouTube:

The 69 obsession turning into 67 is a recession indicator.

Spotted on TikTok:

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

Trending via YouTube:

“Can you explain the gap in your resume?” I went missing in a national park.

Spotted on Telegram:

I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

Trending via Instagram:

I will never stop being a quitter!

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Uh oh, said somethin’ weird. Better fix it by saying something even weirder.

Just landed via Telegram:

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

169 Funny Christmas quotes

Funny Christmas quotes are the perfect way to add some laughter to the holiday season! 🎄😂 From holiday mishaps to playful takes on Christmas traditions, these quotes capture the joy and humor of the festive time. Get ready to chuckle and spread some cheer! 😄🎅

New funny Christmas quotes 👇

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

0

5 hours ago

Christmas, deadline, excuse, game, gift, gifts, holiday, hours, humor, Japan, late, list, locked, nice, nice list, procrastination, Santa, say, still, want, whatever
Has anyone noticed what it’s beginning to look a lot like?

0

5 hours ago

anyone, beginning, Christmas, holiday, humor, lot, noticed, observation, question, season
Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

0

4 days ago

boredom, Christmas, Christmas morning, cop, cops, enforcement, excited, family, gun, hell, highway, holiday, hours, humor, ignore, law, law enforcement, morning, radar, radar gun, sit, traffic, wake
Santa went woke and gave me a small solar panel instead of coal.

0

4 days ago

Christmas, coal, gift, humor, me, panel, Santa, small, solar, solar panel, technology, woke
The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

0

4 days ago

after, appliance, Christmas, cooking, danger, dangerous, day, holiday, microwave, morning
364 days until Christmas, and people already have decorations up. Unbelievable.

0

4 days ago

Christmas, countdown, days, decoration, decorations, holiday, humor, impatience, people
We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

0

5 days ago

31st, Christmas, countdown, date, December, end, end of year, holiday, humor, new, new year, period, time, time period, void, year
Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

0

5 days ago

car, Christmas, Christmas Eve, eve, family, holiday, honey, humor, procrastination, store
My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

0

5 days ago

asking, before, Christmas, Christmas tree, decoration, family, holiday, live, mom, ornament, putting, tradition, tree, want, where
Just found out my 84-year-old neighbour is on his own tomorrow, so I’ve just been over to collect his spare chairs to borrow.

0

5 days ago

age, borrow, borrowing, chair, chairs, Christmas, elderly, found, humor, just, loneliness, neighbor, over, own, spare, tomorrow, visit

For even more funny Christmas quotes, hit next 👇

All funny Christmas quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on YouTube this month:

Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.

70 shares on WeChat this month:

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

84 shares on Threads this month:

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

44 shares on Slack this month:

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

22 shares on X this month:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

24 shares on Discord this month:

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Your DM doesn’t match the Bible quote in your bio. Uh-oh.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to stay grounded by keeping the weight of the world on my shoulders.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I had a friend like me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,967

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

My life coach traded me.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

God: “I genuinely don’t remember making you all this stupid.”

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I have a question and my question is, how can I look so cute in the mirror but like such a baked potato in pictures?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

People pleasers aren’t kind. They’re afraid.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Live now on Facebook:

I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The only thing we need to bring back is duels.

Going viral on TikTok:

Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Living solo: where pants are optional, and snacks are unlimited.

Trending via Slack:

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

Live now on TikTok:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Trending via X:

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

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