Funny Christmas Quotes That Will Have You Laughing All Through the Holidays! 🎄😂

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

3 months ago3 months ago

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

3 months ago3 months ago

It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

3 months ago3 months ago

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

3 months ago3 months ago

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

3 months ago3 months ago

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

3 months ago3 months ago

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

3 months ago3 months ago

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

3 months ago3 months ago

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

3 months ago3 months ago

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

4 months ago3 months ago

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

4 months ago4 months ago

Just a reminder that with Die Hard, Robin Hood and Love Actually, ‘Alan Rickman ruins Christmas’ is a whole movie subgenre.

4 months ago3 months ago

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

4 months ago3 months ago

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

4 months ago3 months ago

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

4 months ago3 months ago

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

4 months ago3 months ago

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

4 months ago3 months ago

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

4 months ago3 months ago

I alway get the same thing every year for Christmas. Fat!

4 months ago3 months ago

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

4 months ago3 months ago

For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

4 months ago4 months ago

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

4 months ago3 months ago

Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

4 months ago3 months ago

When someone is in a Christmas eve panic, I always find that “well, maybe you should have thought of that sooner” is a helpful phrase.

4 months ago3 months ago

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

4 months ago3 months ago

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

4 months ago3 months ago

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

4 months ago4 months ago

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

4 months ago4 months ago

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

4 months ago3 months ago

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

Nov 20, 2023Nov 20, 2023