103 Funny Christmas quotes

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  2 months ago

  Share →: Using my one phone call to call Santa.

  Commentary:
  "Hope Santa's phone plan covers bailouts! 🎅📞🎄 #DearSanta"

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  2 months ago

  Share →: What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

  Commentary:
  🤣 Oh, the thought of an evil Santa swiping away our kids' most irritating toys is both diabolical and brilliant! Finally, a holiday hero we can truly get behind! Goodbye, noisy toys and batteries that never last – we're counting on you, Evil Santa! 👹🎅🎁🚫 #ParentingDreams

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  3 months ago

  Share →: I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs hell when you've experienced the shrill cries of disappointed kids on Christmas morning? 🔊🎅 Remember folks, always keep those batteries stocked up or face the wrath of tiny humans!"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.

  Commentary:
  Looks like Santa is not just busy making toys but also playing reindeer games of labor negotiations! 🦌🔥 Who knew the North Pole had its own version of office politics. Watch out for flying sleigh grievances! 🎅✨

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  3 months ago

  Share →: Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

  Commentary:
  "Kudos to those whose Christmas decorations are still up! You're not late, you're just early for next year. Keep spreading that festive cheer year-round!"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday, and ruins it for us.

  Commentary:
  "Well, it's a true struggle trying to stick to healthy eating when there's a holiday or a day of the week involved. It's like they have it out for our diets! Maybe we need a new calendar that only has days labeled as 'Salad Day' to keep us on track."

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  3 months ago

  Share →: Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

  Commentary:
  Looks like Santa's got some spelling and grammar policing to do this year! Remember, folks, even Santa needs some help deciphering those questionable Facebook posts. It's all fun and games until your present is a thesaurus!

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  4 months ago

  Share →: The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the mysterious week between Christmas and New Year's – a time when calendars seem to lose all sense of logic and normality. It's as if the universe itself hits the snooze button and decides to take a nap until January. Just remember, when you feel like you've fallen into a time-warping wormhole during that week, it's perfectly normal. Embrace the chaos and enjoy the ride!

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  4 months ago

  Share →: My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the classic Christmas shopping dilemma – the struggle between generosity and self-indulgence! It's like a festive tug-of-war between your inner Santa and your inner Scrooge. Who knew that spreading holiday cheer could also involve spreading out your credit card bill? Just remember, giving to yourself is technically a form of self-care, right? Just call it a "Merry Me-mas" shopping spree!

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  4 months ago

  Share →: Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

  Commentary:
  🎲🤔 "To all the gift-givers of board games for my kids: your presents have officially declared you as honorary family members! So tell us, when can we expect you to make your grand return and actually play with them? We've got Monopoly set up and ready to test friendships… 😉"

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