Wordgag ツ

4 months ago
Share →: I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Commentary:
"Who needs sleep masks when you can sleep like a pro with your eyes wide shut? This person must have a PhD in snoozing!"
4 months ago
Share →: Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

Commentary:
"Sorry, can't risk falling in love and ending up in debt! 💔💸 Maybe we should just stick to awkward glances instead. 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

Commentary:
"Who needs a gym membership when you're getting a daily workout from all those eye rolls? With that kind of exercise regimen, your eyes must be in tip-top shape and ready for the eye-lympics!"
5 months ago
Share →: Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal question – are we experiencing a life review or just a really aggressive browser shutdown? Either way, let's hope we had some interesting tabs open!"
6 months ago
Share →: Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Commentary:
"Nothing says 'I'm in charge' quite like twerking with unbreakable eye contact 🍑👀. Just make sure you pick the right audience…unless you want to establish dominance in the awkward department 😂💃"
6 months ago
Share →: I successfully avoided the red-eye flight and got the much milder pink eye flight.

Commentary:
"Someone clearly misunderstood the concept of 'taking a red-eye.' 🌚💼 Nevertheless, avoiding pink eye is definitely the way to go on flights! 👁️✈️ #TravelWoes"
6 months ago
Share →: I feel like the person who named pink eye also named orange juice.

Commentary:
Haha, talk about a colorful imagination! 🌈👁️🍊 It's as if they were on a vibrant naming spree and decided to mix up eye conditions with breakfast beverages! Just imagine, "Excuse me, is that pink eye in your eye or just some orange juice residue?" 😂
6 months ago
Share →: I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Commentary:
"Who needs supervillains when we have a superhero this chill? 🦸‍♂️😂 Just imagine a hero casually ironing their cape with laser vision – practicality at its finest! #SoupGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

Commentary:
🐶😒 "My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job. Honestly, if side-eyeing was a paying gig, my furball would be living his best life! Maybe I should start charging him rent for all that sassy attitude." 😄 #UnemployedButUnbothered
6 months ago
Share →: When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

Commentary:
"When they ask 'how was your weekend?' just reply 'better than yours' with a wink 😉 and hold that eye contact like a boss! 😎 Who needs modesty when you've got sass, right? 🤷‍♂️"