17 Funny key quotes

• 

  3 days ago

  Share →: I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

  Commentary:
  Silent but not-so-deadly detective work in progress! 😆🕵️‍♂️💨

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

  Commentary:
  "Sure, money can't buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski? 😂💸🌊"

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

  Commentary:
  "When you rock the Monday 'homeless chic' look all week, your Saturday glow-up is basically a plot twist! 😂✨ #FashionStrategy"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

  Commentary:
  "When selective hearing is the real secret to a happy marriage! 😂👂❤️"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

  …

  Commentary:
  "When your life's playlist is a little too *sharp* 🎵 and your inbox is a little too *flat* 📱😂!"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: The key to a healthy relationship is taking turns being the sad one.

  Commentary:
  "When your partner's having a meltdown, it's your turn to hold the ice cream and the tissues! 🍦😢😂"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

  Commentary:
  🍕🔑 "If happiness was a pizza recipe, it would definitely be topped with extra cheese and had a side of joy. Order, eat, repeat – the ultimate formula for a satisfied tummy and a smiling face! Who knew that the key to eternal happiness was hiding in plain sight, right in that delicious pizza box?" 😄🍕

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

  Commentary:
  "Me: 'Communication is the key.' 🗝️

  Also me: *puts phone on do not disturb* 🤷‍♂️📵

  Well, at least I'm consistent in avoiding communication, right? 😜 #SelectiveListener"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

  Commentary:
  "Seems like someone got a little carried away with the road rage! Remember, if life gives you lemons, don't key the bus pass – just ride the chaos away on the next bus! 🚌😅"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a good memory when you can just forget about all the things that make you unhappy? Maybe that's the key to eternal bliss – just keep forgetting all the bad stuff!"

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