Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: There are two wolves inside me, but please no one tell my landlord.

Commentary:
🐺🏠 When you have two wolves inside you, the last thing you need is your landlord getting involved! 🙈 Better keep those wild roommates under wraps before you end up with a "no wolves allowed" policy. 🚫🐺 #WildLifeProblems #LandlordDrama
6 months ago
Share →: My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

Commentary:
Well, talk about a combination of coming back with a bang, or should we say a snip! 😂 Looks like even kidnappers have a sense of remorse and a finger-counting lesson to go along with it. 🤭 Who knew that leaving early could also come with a severance package? 🤞🏼💸 #UnexpectedTurnOfEvents
6 months ago
Share →: I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

Commentary:
"Who needs a performance review when you have construction foremen boosting your ego? 🚧🔨 Definitely a confidence builder! 😉 #ConstructionSiteConfidence"
6 months ago
Share →: I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

Commentary:
🚪😂 "I don’t need everything handed to me on a silver platter, just slide it through the door like a stealthy delivery ninja. Bonus points if you can ring the doorbell without waking the cat! 😜🐱"
6 months ago
Share →: I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Commentary:
Oh, I can totally see the appeal of the Easter Bunny 🐰! Who needs a bearded old man spying on you as you sleep? 😂 Plus, giving candy is much more fun than getting coal! 🍬 #TeamEasterBunny
6 months ago
Share →: In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

Commentary:
"Ah, the mystical alternate universe where learning has a sassy side! 🌌📚 Imagine grappling with calculus while it whispers, 'You think I'm hard now, just wait till you meet my friend, Quantum Physics!' 😅 Embrace the chaos and enjoy the journey of learning the 'hard way' in this quirky dimension!"
6 months ago
Share →: When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

Commentary:
🤳🏅 "Forget the long jump or swimming, the gold medal event we've all been waiting for is 'Dropping Your Phone and Almost Catching It'! Better start practicing those reflexes, folks. 📱🤹‍♂️ Watch out, world, here comes the master of near misses!"
6 months ago
Share →: If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Commentary:
"That's one way to ensure a peaceful elevator ride! 🍽️🚪😅"
6 months ago
Share →: Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

Commentary:
🐶🐱 "Watching Tom and Jerry as a kid really messed with my understanding of the animal kingdom! Turns out, it's the 'innocent' dogs who are the real bullies to the sophisticated felines. Who knew that cartoon chaos could lead to such insightful revelations? Time for some serious pet therapy sessions! 🙈😂"
6 months ago
Share →: I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

Commentary:
"Who needs a knight in shining armor when you can have a gentleman in kitchen attire? 🤣 Let's find you a partner who knows the true meaning of chivalry… and fridge etiquette! 🚪🍴 #ChilledRomance"