280 Funny only quotes

• The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

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  2 weeks ago

  escalator, faster, humor, joke, only, speed, thing, wordplay

• All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

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  3 weeks ago

  before, breakup, country, country song, hear, humor, leaving, matter, only, self-driving, self-driving vehicle, song, time, truck, vehicle

• Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.

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  3 weeks ago

  alien, asking, boyfriend, date, done, experiment, gesture, humor, killed, kindness, me, only, perfect, relationship, replica, still

• Christmas lights: the only thing bright around here besides my personality.

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  3 weeks ago

  around, bright, brightness, Christmas, Christmas light, here, holiday, humor, light, lights, only, personality, sarcasm, thing

• I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

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  3 weeks ago

  afford, budget, calculation, December, finance, holiday, holiday spending, humor, i, money, only, pray, prayer, spending

• Being single only sucks when you’re a little drunk and really want to flirt.

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  3 weeks ago

  being, dating, drunk, flirt, little, nightlife, only, relationship, single, sucks, want

• I love how my brain is like, “We’re not going to think about that,” and then thinks about only that.

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  3 weeks ago

  brain, distraction, going, humor, i, love, mind, only, overthinking, think, thought

• I’m so introverted, I only listen to house music.

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  3 weeks ago

  behavior, genre, house, house music, humor, i, introvert, joke, listen, music, music genre, only, personality, social, social behavior

• Only bots from Nigeria are allowed to call me dear.

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  3 weeks ago

  allowed, bot, bots, call, dear, greeting, humor, me, message, Nigeria, only, scam

• Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

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  4 weeks ago

  class, education, ending, hello, homework, humor, i, leave, lecture, main, movie, only, point, professor, reach, reading, right, sarcasm, student, timing, yell, yelling

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