194 Funny only quotes

• 

  9 hours ago

  Share →: The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.

  Commentary:
  When reality hits you like a cold shower just as you were getting to the good part 🌨️💤⏰

• 

  16 hours ago

  Share →: Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

  Commentary:
  Can't wait to live in blissful ignorance forever! 😄🌈💕

• 

  22 hours ago

  Share →: I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

  Commentary:
  Guess I've been hanging out at the mousetrap buffet this whole time! 🧀😂🐭

• 

  1 day ago

  Share →: Making a cult with only intuitive introverts so we can all sit in silence, side-eyeing each other suspiciously.

  Commentary:
  Starting a silent staring contest club and we already suspect each other 😂🔍🤫

• 

  1 day ago

  Share →: My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like your teen just discovered the secret unit of time called "laundry minutes" 😂⏳🧺

• 

  1 day ago

  Share →: The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

  Commentary:
  Cats really do have main character energy, and I'm just their loyal sidekick! 😸👑

• 

  1 day ago

  Share →: Dear algorithm, please show this post only to people who have innate psionic abilities and would use their abilities for the betterment of humanity if given a chance.

  Commentary:
  Guess this post will probably end up in the inbox of approximately 2 telepaths, a dog with a highly unusual stare, and my Aunt Susan who thinks WiFi is magic 🐶✨👩‍🦳📡

• 

  2 days ago

  Share →: Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

  Commentary:
  When you turn your prayers into 'Find My Device' 😂🙏🎧

• 

  2 days ago

  Share →: Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

  Commentary:
  Trying to explain to my boss why I need a break to strategize my snack heists, but they’re just not nibbling… 🥨🥷⌛

• 

  2 days ago

  Share →: Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

  Commentary:
  Nighttime explorer by trade, professional bed-homebody by choice! 🛌🚀🙃

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