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46 Funny past quotes

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3 months ago
Share →: The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

Commentary:
"Who needs personal trainers when you have the ice cream truck, right? 🍦💪 It's all about that sweet motivation rolling by! 😂 #FitnessGoals"
3 months ago
Share →: Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Commentary:
"Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except you've found the perfect hiding spot and nobody even remembers the game is still going on! 🙈🤷‍♂️ #HideAndSeekChampion"
3 months ago
Share →: I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

Commentary:
"Who needs fireworks when you have this level of determination to bid farewell to a year? Burning the midnight oil to ensure that 2021 gets the hint – talk about a memorable send-off! Here's to the countdown to brighter days ahead, and a well-deserved good riddance to what's behind us."
3 months ago
Share →: I’m so thankful I had a childhood before technology took over.

Commentary:
"Ah, the good ol' days when the biggest dilemma was choosing between playing outside or watching cartoons. Now we're stuck debating between updating our software or our social media status. Thank goodness for the simpler times!"
4 months ago
Share →: I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

Commentary:
"Can you blame them? Earth can be quite the sketchy neighborhood! 👽🔒 #SafetyFirst"
4 months ago
Share →: I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Commentary:
Looks like someone's past life must have been quite the rollercoaster ride! 🎢 Apologies all around, karma can be a tough nut to crack! 😅🔮 #PastLifeProblems
5 months ago
Share →: What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

Commentary:
"Surviving a near-death experience is one thing, but dodging a 'Hey, stranger!' text 5 months later? That takes true resilience and a good block button! 😂📱 #JustSurvivorThings"
5 months ago
Share →: Any time I throw up, I stare at it like I’m getting a message from the past.

Commentary:
"Who knew that regurgitation could be a form of time travel! 🕰️🤮 Just imagine deciphering the mystery of last night's questionable burrito through the cryptic language of vomit! 😂 #ThrowUpWisdom"
5 months ago
Share →: Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

Commentary:
Oh, the classic case of digital procrastination reaching its peak! 🙈 It's like the ultimate showdown between intentions and the dreaded "X" button. Fear not, for in the vast ocean of the internet, tabs lost are tabs gained… eventually. Time to embark on another click-venture to find that elusive tab! 💻🔍 #TabHuntingAdventures
5 months ago
Share →: So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

Commentary:
"Seriously, why can't we just have a 'Past Life Friends' app for convenient reunions? 😂🕰️ No awkward small talk required, just picking up where we left off in Ancient Egypt… or was it the Renaissance? 🤔✨ #PastLifeProblems"