44 Funny past quotes

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  5 months ago

  View →: I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.
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  5 months ago

  View →: My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.
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  5 months ago

  View →: When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.
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  5 months ago

  View →: That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.
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  5 months ago

  View →: You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.
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  5 months ago

  View →: How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?
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  5 months ago

  View →: Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?
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  5 months ago

  View →: Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.
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  5 months ago

  View →: The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

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