19 Funny sarcastic quotes

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

  Commentary:
  "Just doing my civic duty as a professional 'not-my-fault' driver! 🚗💨⬇️ #BlameTheSnail"

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: No one is more hated than those two people who start a standing ovation.

  Commentary:
  "Those two people are the real bravehearts of clap wars! 👐😂👏"

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

  Commentary:
  🏠💰 "Landlord: I’m raising your rent.
  Me: Cool, so is the house getting taller, wider, or just more sarcastic?" 😂🔑

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: If I had a boyfriend, I’d watch him dig a hole at the beach and be like, “Wowww, baby, good job. That’s a beautiful hole.

  Commentary:
  "Nothing screams romance like a man with a shovel and a dream! 😂🏖️👷‍♂️ #SandcastleGoals"

• 

  4 weeks ago

  Share →: Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

  …

  Commentary:
  "BRB, just unscrewing my spine like it's IKEA furniture! 🛠️😂 #SpinalSpaDay"

• 

  4 weeks ago

  Share →: I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

  …

  Commentary:
  "When life throws independence at you and you're stuck with it, but hey, at least I can open my own pickle jars now! 🥒💪😂"

• 

  4 weeks ago

  Share →: I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

  Commentary:
  "With the amount of eye rolls I do daily, I'd be a fitness icon by now! 🙄💪😂"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

  Commentary:
  "Guess I'm in a permanent group project with the universe 🤔🤦‍♂️ #RaisedByDPs"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

  Commentary:
  "Taking notes for my 'how not to plan a weekend' guide! 🍿🕵️‍♂️🔍"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

  Commentary:
  "Guess I'd have to walk the plank of shame, Captain Calm is off-duty! ⚓️😅 #LandlubberLife"

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