34 Funny whenever quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

  Commentary:
  "Jury duty: the ultimate surprise office party where you get to play detective without the cool spy gadgets. 🔍💼 And the pay? A whopping $15 to solve real-life mysteries. Sign me up for that adventure! 🕵️‍♂️💸"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

  Commentary:
  "Rule #1 for family reunions: Always be the designated driver and bring your own car; bonus points if it's a getaway vehicle! 🚗💨 Who needs to stay for awkward small talk when you can make a quick exit in style? #FamilyDramaDetour"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: As an exorcist, whenever I hear of some new poor soul possessed by a demon, all I can think is Ka-Ching!

  Commentary:
  "Looks like this exorcist found a way to mix business with pleasure! 💸👹 Who knew banishing demons could be so lucrative? Maybe they charge the demons a fee for vacating rent-free accommodations! 🏠😈"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs an escalator when you've got two perfectly good legs, right? Take that, lazy escalator! 💪🏼😄 #StairMaster #WinningAtLife"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

  Commentary:
  "Excessive screen time causing brain damage? Well, guess it's time to add 'professional multitasker' to the resume! 🧠💥📱 #BrainsAreOverrated"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the nerve of people to be out there peopling while you're trying to avoid them! 🚶‍♂️🚶‍♀️ Next time, bring along a 'No Peopling Zone' sign 😆 #IntrovertProblems"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a therapist when you can have a penguin therapist? 🐧💙 Let those flippers and adorable waddles work their magic on your blues! Just remember, penguins may not give the best advice, but they sure know how to bring a smile to your face! 😄"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

  Commentary:
  "Oh, the struggle of adjusting to life at ground level after soaring through the skies 🚗✈️ Pilots must feel like they're missing that 'up' button every time they hit the road! 😂 #GroundedPilot"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

  Commentary:
  🐱😹 "When I rise from my slumber, my feline companion also rises with a look of blatant accusation, as if to say 'How dare you disturb our synchronized snooze schedule, human!' It's like we're part of the world's grumpiest early morning duo – 'The Wake-Up Whiskers'! 😼🎤"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

  Commentary:
  "Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it's cause they're not at home 🤣🏡 #ParentingTruths #LittleMonstersAtHome"

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