14 Funny across quotes

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  1 week ago

  View →: Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.
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  3 months ago

  View →: Do other people remember toasters with wings flying across our computer screens or was that a fever dream I just had?
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  5 months ago

  View →: My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.
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  5 months ago

  View →: So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?
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  5 months ago

  View →: Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.
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  5 months ago

  View →: My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.
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  5 months ago

  View →: If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

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