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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Welcome to Elephant in the Room club, no one talks about it.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

We are gathered here today because our ancestors didn’t have condoms.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,335

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Live now on Telegram:

Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’ve got the longest to-do list for today, just need to figure out who is going to do it.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

Going viral on Snapchat:

Need to win the lottery so I can focus on going to museums and working out.

Freshly posted on X:

It’s important to post stupid stuff so you can learn who likes you.

Going viral on TikTok:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Just landed via YouTube:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Breaking via X:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

Just landed via TikTok:

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Slack this month:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

46 shares on Threads this month:

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

41 shares on Twitch this month:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

You’re the human embodiment of an “ugh.”

70 shares on Reddit this month:

Shout out to everyone who cooks at 180°C for 20 minutes, no matter what the instructions say.

54 shares on Discord this month:

Welcome to your 40s: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

68 shares on Discord this month:

I may be the reason why our kids are ugly, but you’re the reason why they’re stupid.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I use a Windows computer, it’s like they built malware into the OS. Like, what do you mean there are ads in the start menu?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,448

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Can’t, holding a grudge.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Doc, if I can vibecode anything and everyone else can vibecode anything, then what’s my competitive advantage?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I could low-key really use a wish right now.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Freshly posted on Discord:

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

Trending via TikTok:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

11 out of 10 women are always right.

Trending via Pinterest:

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

Just landed via Threads:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

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