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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2432 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,594

Funny Quotes Topics

15,263

Funny Quotes Images

12,594

7 minutes ago

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Live now on YouTube:

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

Making waves on Messenger:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Live now on Reddit:

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Reported on LinkedIn:

The collective noun for a group of narcissists should be an ‘egosystem’.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Making a cult with only intuitive introverts so we can all sit in silence, side-eyeing each other suspiciously.

Home » Funny Bedtime Quotes

55 Funny bedtime quotes

Funny bedtime quotes are here to make your nightly routine a little more entertaining! 🌙😆 From humorous takes on getting cozy and falling asleep to witty observations about bedtime rituals, these quotes bring a playful twist to your end-of-day wind-down. Whether you’re trying to get kids to bed or just looking to lighten your own bedtime mood, these funny bedtime quotes will have you chuckling as you drift off to dreamland. Sleep tight and enjoy the laughs! 😴✨

New funny bedtime quotes 👇

4 days ago
Share →: Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

Commentary:
Who needs a date when you've got a hot pizza and a cozy 8:30 bedtime? 🍕😴❤️
7 days ago
Share →: Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

Commentary:
Espresso-ing my excitement for morning already! ☕😴✨
1 week ago
Share →: The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Commentary:
Trying to postpone tomorrow like it's a dentist appointment 😅🕒🌙
1 week ago
Share →: I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Commentary:
Trading chaos for cozy vibes is my new favorite rebellion plan! 😴😈✨
1 week ago
Share →: I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

Commentary:
I'm starting to think my sleep schedule is trying to time travel without me! ⏰🚀😴
1 week ago
Share →: It’s not sleeping alone if there are crumbs in your bed.

Commentary:
Crumbs are the most loyal cuddle buddies 😂🍕🥐🛏️
2 weeks ago
Share →: My life started becoming a mess when I was put in charge of my own bedtime.

Commentary:
Relatable! My bedtime rebelled and now it's the boss. 😴🕒😂
2 weeks ago
Share →: At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

Commentary:
When you reach the point where counting sheep turns into counting beers, it's time to make a brew-tiful decision! 🍺🌙😴
2 weeks ago
Share →: I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

Commentary:
Finally laying down is the ultimate adventure—no passport required! 🛌😂
2 weeks ago
Share →: When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Commentary:
And I used to resist my future life goals… guess I peaked in kindergarten! 😴🏡🍏🌙

For even more funny bedtime quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny bedtime quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2432 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,594

Funny Quotes Topics

15,263

Funny Quotes Images

12,594

7 minutes ago

3,461

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

“You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I get ignored so much, my name should be “terms and conditions”.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

Freshly posted on Instagram:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Trending via Facebook:

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

Trending via TikTok:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

Breaking via Snapchat:

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

Spotted on Twitch:

How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there?

Reported on WhatsApp:

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

Going viral on TikTok:

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

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