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1 month ago
Share →: We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

Commentary:
"Looks like we're gonna need a timeshare agreement for the swing pushes! 😆⏳🎡"
1 month ago
Share →: It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

Commentary:
"When you say 'come here' and they hear 'do absolutely nothing' 😹👂🐾 #Catologia"
3 months ago
Share →: Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

Commentary:
Ah, the good ol' days of TV aerobics! 💪📺 Those were the times when remote controls were our own two feet, and the ultimate challenge was trying to find the perfect spot for that perfect reception! 🚶‍♂️📡 Let's just say, we've come a long way since the days of channel-surfing marathons and accidental exercise routines! 😂 #ThrowbackTech #TVFitnessGoals 🚶‍
3 months ago
Share →: If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

Commentary:
"Flirting level: crow! 🌟 Who needs jewelry when you can impress with all things shiny and sparkly? Just imagine the magpie envy 😂🦅 #BirdRomance"
4 months ago
Share →: To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

Commentary:
"Ah, the luxurious life of a horse – wake up, munch on some hay, then doze off on it. Truly the embodiment of 'living the dream' 🐴🥖☀️ #HayGoals"
4 months ago
Share →: Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

Commentary:
"Whoever said you can't have it all clearly hasn't met me 😏 Let's aim for a life filled with laughter and pleasure – it's all about that good vibe energy! 😂💥 #FunnyQuotes #LifeGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Commentary:
"Ah, the fabulous 50s! Where your doctor and pharmacist become your new BFFs 🤝💊 Who needs coffee dates when you can chat about prescriptions and blood pressure readings instead? 😜 #NewDecadeNewContacts"
5 months ago
Share →: 69 but we both just farting.

Commentary:
"Talk about blowing out the candles on the birthday cake! 🎂💨 Here's to keeping the romance alive in all its stinky glory! 😂💨 #RelationshipGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

Commentary:
"Who says insanity can't be romantic? 💻🤪 Let's navigate the tangled web of love together! 🕸️😂"
5 months ago
Share →: You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

Commentary:
"Well, looks like someone had a passionate heart-to-heart with their feline friend last night! 🌙🐱 Now it's a bright new day, and the awkwardness is hitting harder than a hairball. Time to embrace the sober reality of talking love with your cat before coffee kicks in!"