25 Funny pretend quotes

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  2 months ago

  View →: The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.
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  2 months ago

  View →: It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.
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  3 months ago

  View →: I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.
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  3 months ago

  View →: The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.
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  3 months ago

  View →: If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.
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  3 months ago

  View →: I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.
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  3 months ago

  View →: That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.
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  3 months ago

  View →: Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.
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  3 months ago

  View →: I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I’d pretend to care about football for you.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.
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  4 months ago

  View →: The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.
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  5 months ago

  View →: When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.
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  5 months ago

  View →: That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.
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  5 months ago

  View →: When I’m at a party, I pretend to be Pac-Man. I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

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