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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

I don’t want to brag but I walked into a room and remembered why I walked in.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,665

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Seen just now on YouTube:

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

Just landed via Discord:

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Trending via Threads:

Ugh, sometimes I just wish there was a song about liking to move it, move it.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

Going viral on Reddit:

Not to brag, but I’ve done nothing for several hours.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.

Breaking via WeChat:

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

Trending via Facebook:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

44 Funny size quotes

Funny size quotes 😄 are the perfect way to add a dash of humor to your day! Whether you’re short, tall, or somewhere in between, these witty quips 🎈 playfully embrace every inch of height with a chuckle and a wink. From elevating your mood to bringing a smile to your face, they’re the ultimate reminder that size doesn’t define us—our laughter does! So get ready to giggle 😂 and celebrate the joy of being uniquely you!

New funny size quotes 👇

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

4 hours ago

bag, candy, giant, giant size, humor, me, necessary, resealable, size, snack
By age 40, you should have an entire wardrobe of clothes—one size too small—that you keep in eternal optimism that you’ll fit in them again one day.

12 hours ago

40, again, age, age 40, body, body image, clothes, day, eternal, fashion, fit, humor, image, keep, optimism, should, size, size too small, small, too, wardrobe
I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

15 hours ago

before, engagement, engagement ring, humor, i, jewelry, limit, me, opinion, ring, rings, size, size limit, tacky, think
Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

19 hours ago

drinking, fill, funny question, glass, glass size, humor, large, question, size, top, why, wine, wine glass
“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

1 month ago

bed, bed size, beds, couple, couples, divorce, divorce rate, interested, king, king bed, marriage, queen, queen bed, rate, relationship, size, sleep
Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

2 months ago

clothing, clothing review, fashion, girl, girls, going, heaven, height, humor, leave, online, online shopping, review, reviews, shopping, size, weight
Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

2 months ago

audacity, bigger, carry, fashion, fashion joke, gender, gender stereotype, help, humor, jeans, joke, men’s, men’s jeans, pocket, pocket size, pockets, size, stereotype
Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

2 months ago

awesome, big, big guy, body, body size, clothing, clothing size, fashion, guy, guys, humor, shopping, size, small, small woman, thrift, woman, women
Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

2 months ago

body, body grooming, bush, fashion, grooming, humor, loss, pants, pants size, shave, shaved, size, weight, weight loss
That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

2 months ago

after, bill, bills, budgeting, expense, finance, humor, i, jean, jeans, left, leftover, little, money, over, pay, perfect, pocket, size

For even more funny size quotes, hit next 👇

All funny size quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on Slack this month:

At what age do people actually meet up to play bingo? I’m ready.

51 shares on X this month:

Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

12 shares on Discord this month:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

60 shares on Telegram this month:

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

54 shares on X this month:

“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

58 shares on Discord this month:

Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

I am deeply overwhelmed and yet incredibly bored at the same time.

45 shares on Threads this month:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Best time to reach me is when I’m at work. Don’t bother me when I’m at home.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,680

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said “Eat Pasta Run Fasta,” and I can’t get it out of my head.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Can’t be sexting when you’re somewhat articulate. You just sound like a vampire.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

Spotted on Slack:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Turns out “V for Vendetta” is not an educational movie and it won’t teach your kids the alphabet.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Netflix & by yourself.

Broadcasted on Threads:

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm.

Spotted on YouTube:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI send 5 emails a day and check their fantasy football line-ups on and off for 8 hours.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

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