Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

104 Funny start quotes

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

3 months ago

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

3 months ago

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

3 months ago

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

3 months ago

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

3 months ago

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

3 months ago

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

3 months ago

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

3 months ago

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

3 months ago

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

3 months ago

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

3 months ago

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

3 months ago

Girls will be like “I have so much to do” then grab some snacks and start watching a 10 part docuseries on serial killers.

3 months ago

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

3 months ago

That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

3 months ago

1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

3 months ago

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

3 months ago

Sitting on the middle seat of this flight and both my seatmates are reading my book over my shoulder. Should I just start reading it aloud?

3 months ago

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

3 months ago

You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first.

3 months ago