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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Asian girl at tech company: Wow, everyone here is so friendly.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,313

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

Going bananas on Discord:

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

Trending via Telegram:

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

Going viral on Messenger:

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

Just shared via X:

Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.

Going bananas on Facebook:

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

Trending via Pinterest:

Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

Trending via LinkedIn:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

12 Funny swimming quotes

Funny swimming quotes make a splash by turning poolside moments into waves of laughter 🏊‍♂️😂 Whether you’re a freestyle fanatic or a lazy float champ, these witty lines dive deep into the joy and quirks of swimming 🌊😄 Get ready to float on a sea of smiles and share some giggles with your fellow water lovers! 💦🤪

New funny swimming quotes 👇

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

1 hour ago

contradiction, exercise, fitness, good, humor, swimming, whale
I love staying in a hotel. I’m eating room service in bed while I watch the worst TV show of all time on cable television. I’m working out in the gym and swimming in the pool. I’m using the amenities. To hell with Airbnb.

8 hours ago

Airbnb, amenity, bed, cable, cable television, eating, gym, hell, hotel, humor, i, leisure, love, pool, relaxation, room, room service, service, show, staying, swimming, swimming pool, television, time, TV, TV Show, using, vacation, watch, while, working, worst
Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

11 hours ago

activity, alive, anxiety, embarrassing, embarrassment, everyone, humor, life, social, social anxiety, survival, swimming, want
I missed out on drowning tragically young in a suburban swimming pool.

3 weeks ago

drowning, humor, i, irony, missed, pool, suburban, swimming, swimming pool, tragedy, young, youth
If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

2 months ago

activity, anyone, beautiful, drama, fight, fighting, fun, fun activity, giant, got, i, island, just, love, Love Island, mermaid, playing, pool, reality, reality show, relaxation, show, starting, swimming, time, using, whole
I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

2 months ago

activity, casual, casual activity, food, going, goodbye, guess, humor, i, just, swimming
Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

2 months ago

direction, humor, joke, me, sperm, swimming, wordplay
Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

2 months ago

adventure, everyone, Gollum, hermit, hiss, hissing, idea, jewels, lakes, lifestyle, naked, occasionally, people, places, pools, right, solitude, swim, swimming, try
Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

3 months ago

activity, comedy, experience, fear, fun, fun activity, horror, horror movie, joy, me, movie, personal, personal experience, skinny-dip, swimming
Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

3 months ago

bra, exercise, fitness, humor, just, me, Olympics, sports, sports bra, struggle, summer, sweat, swimming, wrestling

For even more funny swimming quotes, hit next 👇

All funny swimming quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

50 shares on X this month:

Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

75 shares on X this month:

If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now!

18 shares on Facebook this month:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

49 shares on Slack this month:

There’s endless songs out there about love and pain and life, but basically only one about the wheels on the bus. Just goes to show you they nailed it the first try.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Female breasts are nature’s anti-stress balls. The irony is that they are connected to the biggest stress-inducing device.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

10 shares on X this month:

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Coffee doesn’t even make me feel energized, I just drink it for the love of the game.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

No one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying).

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,741

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

He’s a 10, but it’s the pain scale.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

My child has entered the “Why?” stage of linguistic development, and I’ve realized I know absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

“Stop recording everything and just enjoy the moment” is asking me for videos from last night.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

No amount of daylight can save us.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m sick of blessings in disguise. I am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Spotted on Slack:

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

Shared recently on X:

The elder Zoomer speaks of the Wii with reverence.

Spotted on WeChat:

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

Shared recently on Threads:

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

Shared recently on Twitch:

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

Seen just now on Reddit:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Going viral on YouTube:

“I’m too young to be forgetting why I walked into a room.”

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