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51 Funny actually quotes

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  • I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the classic case of being a stellar texter in your mind but a total flake in reality 😂📱 Don’t worry, we’ve all been there! #TextingStruggles”

  • I actually think it’s quite beautiful that you have to be the one to save yourself.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the age-old realization that you are your own superhero! 🦸‍♂️ Embrace the power within you to save the day, one self-rescue mission at a time. 💪 Who needs a knight in shining armor when you’ve got yourself? 😉”

  • They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

    Commentary:
    Absolutely! 💪🏻💁🏻‍♂️ “Pilates, where grace meets grit! Don’t be fooled by the serene atmosphere and soothing music – behind those cute leg lifts lies the heart of a warrior preparing for battle. It’s less about sipping on green smoothies and more about channeling your inner badass! Pilates: not your average tea party for sure!” 😄👊🏻

  • Your 20s are for lusting after furniture you can’t afford actually.

    Commentary:
    Ah, the sweet illusion of adulting in your 20s – where the desire for fancy furniture is rivalled only by the dwindling bank account 😅💸 Dreaming of velvet sofas and marble countertops while living off ramen noodles and thrift store finds! #AdultingGoals #BrokeButStylish

  • “I need a movie where the villain actually won!” Have you tried watching the news?

    Commentary:
    “🎥🍿🦹‍♂️ Oh, you want a movie where the villain wins? Look no further than the nightly news – where reality TV meets true crime thriller! Stay tuned for more twists and turns than a Hollywood blockbuster! 😉📺 #VillainsInRealLife”

  • I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

    Commentary:
    🚭 “I find myself thinking ‘God, I need a cigarette’ way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke. Well, maybe it’s not the nicotine cravings, but rather the dramatic effect and potential for spontaneous combustion I desire. 🔥 Stay lit in spirit, not in ash!” 🚬

  • I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the delicate art of balancing gratitude and entitlement – like a seesaw of emotions! 🙏🏼➡️😈 Just remember, too much thankfulness might lead to a sugar rush of positivity! 🍭 Today, let the ungratefulness and entitlement flow like a river of sarcasm! 💁🏻‍♂️💅🏼”

  • Sorry I didn’t text you back, I was pretending I didn’t see it and ended up actually forgetting.

    Commentary:
    “Oh, the art of pretending gone wrong! 🙈 Texting back can be such a perilous endeavor, with great power comes great forgetfulness! 💬🚫 #SorryNotSorry”

  • Incredibly annoying that exercising, eating right, and drinking water can make you actually feel good.

    Commentary:
    “Who knew that feeling good could be such hard work? 🏋️‍♂️🥗💧 Maybe we should just stick to the couch, junk food, and soda for the sake of simplicity. But alas, where’s the fun in that? 😂 #TheStruggleIsReal”

  • Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the wise words of a toddler… 🧒💭 Yes, you can do whatever you want all the time, as long as you’re cool with facing the consequences like bedtime, chores, and a potentially messy room! 😂🙌 #ToddlerWisdom”

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