Funny quotes around Page 2

90 Funny around quotes

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

3 months ago

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

3 months ago

In my 20s: Jingle all the way. In my 40s: Jingle til around ten.

3 months ago

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

3 months ago

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

3 months ago

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.

3 months ago

It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.

3 months ago

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

3 months ago

Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

3 months ago

Unpopular Opinion: Die Hard is a Harry Potter movie. He sneaks around a tower at night avoiding Alan Rickman.

3 months ago

Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

3 months ago

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

3 months ago

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

3 months ago

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

3 months ago

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

3 months ago

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

3 months ago

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

3 months ago

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

3 months ago

Keeping a picture of my bed in a locket around my neck and staring at it longingly on my lunch break.

3 months ago

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

3 months ago

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.

3 months ago

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

3 months ago

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

3 months ago

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

3 months ago

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

3 months ago

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

3 months ago

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

3 months ago

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

3 months ago

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

3 months ago

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

3 months ago