Funny quotes everyday

39 Funny everyday quotes

I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Funny Quotes Mar 17, 2025

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he's flossing everyday.

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

Funny Quotes Feb 27, 2025

One day I'll do amazing things. Today I'll be satisfied if I don't spill food on my lap.

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

Funny Quotes Feb 25, 2025

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Funny Quotes Feb 22, 2025

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

Funny Quotes Feb 9, 2025

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Funny Quotes Feb 9, 2025

Two people had sex and now I'm fighting for my life everyday.

Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

Funny Quotes Feb 7, 2025

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

Funny Quotes Feb 6, 2025

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

Funny Quotes Feb 2, 2025