100 Funny got quotes

• I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

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  2 months ago

  anger, annoyance, breathing, daily, daily routine, frustration, got, hate, humor, i, know, list, lot, mad, me, routine, sarcasm, sigh, someone, something, yesterday

• People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

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  2 months ago

  always, commitment, commitment issue, dating, distant, emotionally, emotionally distant, eye, fish, got, humor, issue, issues, people, relationship, salmon, say, sea, specific

• Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

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  2 months ago

  bag, before, burger, casual, casual joke, fast, fast food, five, Five Guys, food, food service, got, guy, guys, humor, job, joke, just, put, service, workplace

• When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.

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  2 months ago

  adulthood, afraid, bills, dark, darkness, fear, financial, financial stress, got, humor, i, light, me, money, money problem, problem, stress, young

• Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

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  2 months ago

  away, button, dog, explode, explosion, got, hell, humor, i, joke, just, microchip, pet, press, runs, technology

• Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.

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  2 months ago

  bed, bedtime, busy, comfort, excuse, feet, foot, foot rub, got, grasshopper, humor, i, laziness, little, pajamas, procrastination, rub, showered, sorry, together, tonight

• So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

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  2 months ago

  1, call, communication, cultural, cultural difference, difference, English, got, humor, i, language, me, phone, phone call, prank, press, said, telemarketer, told, understand

• You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

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  2 months ago

  anger, beef, food, fridge, got, humor, hunger, hungry, joke, mad, me, none, why

• Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

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  2 months ago

  accessory, attitude, communication, fashion, front, got, humor, important, listen, say, shirt, something, style, sunglasses, wardrobe

• Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

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  2 months ago

  consequence, domestic, domestic life, doorbell, electrician, electrocution, fixing, got, hear, hearing, hearing thoughts, humor, i, life, mishap, relationship, should, thinking, thoughts, unexpected, unexpected consequence, while

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