I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet. Posted on20 hours ago
If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room? Posted on1 day ago
Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head. Posted on1 day ago
The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!” Posted on1 day ago
Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning. Posted on1 day ago
If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger. Posted on2 days ago
The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.” Posted on2 days ago
I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head. Posted on2 days ago
Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend. Posted on2 days ago
Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head. Posted on3 days ago
I didn’t really mind the voices in my head until one of them started their own podcast. Posted on3 days ago
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with. Posted on4 days ago
My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off. Posted on4 days ago
If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head. Posted on5 days ago
I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head. Posted on5 days ago5 days ago