610 funny know quotes - Page 13 - Wordgag ツ

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Jan 20, 2026

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

Jan 20, 2026

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Jan 20, 2026

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Jan 20, 2026

If you don’t know how many x-rays it takes before a person develops super powers, should you really be in a medical profession?

Jan 20, 2026

You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.

Jan 20, 2026

I don’t know why hair extensions are exclusive to women, I want to look like a centaur.

Jan 20, 2026

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

Jan 20, 2026

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

Jan 20, 2026

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

Jan 20, 2026

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

Jan 20, 2026

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Jan 20, 2026

I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.

Jan 20, 2026

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.

Jan 20, 2026

I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.

Jan 20, 2026

I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

Jan 20, 2026

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Jan 20, 2026

You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

Jan 20, 2026

I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

Jan 20, 2026

Without freedom of speech we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

Jan 20, 2026

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Jan 20, 2026

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

Jan 20, 2026

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

Jan 20, 2026

It’s a myth that we only use 10% of our brain, but I definitely know people who use less than that.

Jan 20, 2026

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

Jan 20, 2026

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

Jan 20, 2026

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

Jan 20, 2026

I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

Jan 20, 2026

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

Jan 20, 2026

My parents think they know me.

Jan 20, 2026

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Jan 20, 2026

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

Jan 20, 2026

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Jan 20, 2026

You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

Jan 20, 2026

And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

Jan 20, 2026

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Jan 20, 2026

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Jan 19, 2026

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

Jan 19, 2026

Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.

Jan 19, 2026

There should be a website where you post your wishes, and rich people who don’t know what to do with their money give you an anonymous gift.

Jan 19, 2026