119 Funny little quotes

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5 months ago
Share →: Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

Commentary:
"Having a daughter is like having a personal financial advisor who conveniently forgets that you're not made of money 💸💁‍♀️. It's all love, sass, and an endless shopping list of wants! #DaddyDaughterDollarDrama"
5 months ago
Share →: Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

Commentary:
"Watch out for those rebellious toasters! 🍞🔥 Who knew our breakfast appliances held such power? 😆 Better keep an eye on your toast – you never know when it might decide to assert its independence! 🤖✨"
5 months ago
Share →: Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

Commentary:
"Well, excuse me while I dial up some drama for tomorrow! 📞🤢 Can't wait to see the reactions when I 'soft launch' my call out the 'stomach bug' way. Your move, stomach… Your move. 🤣 #SneakyCallOutStrategies"
5 months ago
Share →: I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

Commentary:
Well, it looks like someone needs a crash course in the divine ways of donuts 🍩! I mean, who in their right mind turns down a donut? Clearly, we're dealing with a doughnut novice here. Maybe we should enroll him in Donuts 101 for some much-needed education. Donut miss out on this opportunity, kiddo! 🤣 #DonutDilemma #SprinkleSomeSense
5 months ago
Share →: I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Commentary:
"Who needs reality TV when you have neighbors providing front row seats to their drama? 🍿🎭 Maybe invest in some theater classes instead of couple's therapy? 🤭🎬 #neighborlyentertainment"
5 months ago
Share →: Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Commentary:
Ah, the clever marketing tactics of the cabbage conglomerate! 🥬🤣 Who knew Brussels sprouts were just little cabbages in disguise, trying to make a name for themselves in the vegetable world? Watch out for those sneaky marketing schemes next time you're strolling through the produce aisle! 😉🌱
5 months ago
Share →: I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Commentary:
😄💀 "I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive. Well, if that isn't the ghost calling the kettle spooky! 👻 Who said the afterlife couldn't have a sense of humor? Just watch out for those ghostly giggles echoing in the night!"
5 months ago
Share →: I love when my cat sighs at me, like what’s got you stressed out my little freeloading homicidal maniac!?

Commentary:
Ah, the melodrama of our feline overlords 🐱😼! It's like living with a furry mix of drama queen and psychopath 🤣. Keep sighing, kitty, we're here for your tough life of napping and demanding treats! 🐾 #CatsBeingCats
5 months ago
Share →: Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

Commentary:
"Looks like the squirrels and rabbits are forming a 'Run Away From Humans' club 🏃🐿️🐇 Don't worry, they'll remember your face too. Just be prepared for some epic stares next time you cross paths! 😂 #WildlifeRevenge"
5 months ago
Share →: I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

Commentary:
"Who needs a personal assistant when your body is the master party planner?! 🎉💤 Just when you thought you had your day all planned out, surprise nap party! Your body sure knows how to keep things interesting! 😂 #NapTimeFun"