Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: I’m so unpopular at school they call me “Batteries”. I’m never included in anything.

Commentary:
Looks like you're operating on a whole different energy level – literally! 🔋 Don't worry, sometimes it's better to stand out than to blend in like rechargeable batteries in a junk drawer. Embrace your uniqueness and shine bright like a Duracell in a sea of generic brands! 💡😄
6 months ago
Share →: Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

Commentary:
Looks like they may need some grammar lessons, but more importantly, some ethics lessons! 🤭🥂 #GrammarFail #CriminalMinds
6 months ago
Share →: Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Commentary:
Looks like someone had a truly "electrifying" weekend! Who needs parties when you've got a life-or-death situation with a TV remote, right? 🔋📺 May your remote control skills always be as strong as your improvisation game! 💪😄 #RemoteRescueMission
6 months ago
Share →: Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

Commentary:
"Who needs a Fitbit when you have potted plants to track your progress? 🏃‍♀️🪴 Talk about instant gratification gardening! 😆🌱 #BotanicalEnthusiast"
6 months ago
Share →: Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

Commentary:
"Talk about customizing your universe! 🌌🔮 Looks like someone's reading between the stars to create their perfect match. Who needs a horoscope when you've got a personalized cosmic connection? 😂✨#selectiveastrology"
6 months ago
Share →: I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Commentary:
Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed but forgot to hit the snooze button ⏰🛌 Watch out world, this person is clearly not ready for Monday! 🤪 #MondayBlues
6 months ago
Share →: Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Commentary:
"Who knew fatherhood came with a side of environmental activism? 🌍💡 Don't mess with this dad – he's on a mission to save the planet one light switch at a time! 😄 #DadGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

Commentary:
"Ah, the rare art of being quiet at the right time! 🤐 Silence – the ultimate magnet of mystery and charm! Or maybe it's just that people find peace in your presence because you give their ears a break! 🤫"
6 months ago
Share →: I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Commentary:
"Well, blame it on the stars, not the folks who gave you life! 🌟✨ Looks like Mercury retrograde gets more airtime than family drama these days! 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 #CosmicExcuses"
6 months ago
Share →: I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

Commentary:
"Oh no, the battle of the laundry mountain escalates! 🧺🏔️ Fold or be folded, that is the question. Will our hero emerge victorious or end up as a well-pressed omelet? Stay tuned for the next episode of Domestic Drama! 📺😄"