Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,505

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

Going viral on Twitch:

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.

Trending via TikTok:

Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

Shared recently on Telegram:

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

Just landed via Reddit:

Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

Seen just now on Facebook:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

38 Funny stand quotes

More funny stand quotes 👇

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

2 months ago

confidence, daily, daily life, dog, enthusiasm, every, excited, excitement, happen, hell, humor, i, life, man, masculinity, moment, motivation, pet, real, shit, stand, time
My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

2 months ago

comedy, control, everyone, family, household, humor, husband, i, joke, looking, minute, need, relationship, remote, remote control, stand, stand-up
My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

2 months ago

boyfriend, conversation, escape, everyone, humor, i, interaction, jealousy, planning, relationship, silence, social, social interaction, stand, while
The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

2 months ago

activity, blank, common, common experience, confusion, embarrassment, experience, forgetfulness, forgot, high, i, indoor, indoor activity, memory, mind, mind blank, number, room, stand, staring, times, why
It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

2 months ago

animal, bear, bears, climate, exaggeration, hot, humor, ice, ice bear, joke, lemonade, lemonade stand, opening, stand, summer, weather
I can’t stand people who require so much validation. Please like and share this if you agree.

2 months ago

agree, humor, i, irony, media, much, people, please, share, social, social media, stand, validation
The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

2 months ago

age, birthday, celebration, denial, fun, humor, i, just, older, one-night, one-night stand, pretend, stand, time, treat
That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, budge, embarrassment, humor, item, items, just, moment, need, pretend, shopping, situation, social, social situation, someone, stand, standing
Can’t stand British posts on my timeline. “I bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!” What the hell are you talking about?

2 months ago

British, confusion, culture, currency, halfpenny, hell, humor, i, posts, squids, stand, talking, timeline
Most people prefer lies. The truth just hits them like a WiFi outage, and then they just stand there, confused and buffering.

2 months ago

buffering, confused, confusion, humor, just, lie, most, outage, people, reality, stand, technology, truth, wifi

For even more funny stand quotes, hit next 👇

All funny stand quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

Have a good weekend, unless you have other plans.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

If you turn your phone upside down, the stock market is actually doing quite well.

78 shares on Slack this month:

Rest here, weary doom-scroller, you’ve seen enough bullshit for one day.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

We need a word for a type of person who spends all their time working to live in a city so they can be near cool things, but they don’t actually like going out.

54 shares on YouTube this month:

I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Genuinely, why does the logo of every AI chatbot look like a butthole?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I am simply too intelligent to be happy.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Are you bad wifi, cause im feeling no connection here.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Any room can be a rage room if you just give me a minute.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need a special occasion to buy a cake.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

Shared recently on YouTube:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Live now on X:

In your 20s and 30s, you’ll start rediscovering the niche interests and hobbies you had as a kid. It’s very important you revisit them. Your younger self was actually on to something.

Seen just now on Messenger:

How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

Live now on Threads:

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

Spotted on Reddit:

Nobody could stop me if I wasn’t tired all the time.

Activity Log ✨

38 Funny stand quotes

More funny stand quotes 👇

All funny stand quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨