358 Funny ever quotes

Funny ever quotes are like the confetti of language, sprinkling a little buzz into the mundane. They’re the cheeky winks from history’s class clowns, the verbal high-fives that transform dull moments into laugh-out-loud memories. Whether you’re seeking a giggle, a snort, or a full-on belly laugh, these gems are your go-to. So grab your favorite beverage, sit back, and dive into a world where words wear clown shoes and every punchline lands like a feather on your funny bone. Get ready to LOL and maybe even ROFL!

I once made a joke to a coworker, and she said, “It was the funniest thing I ever said,” and suggested I post it. It got 10 likes.

2 months ago

Y’all ever feel like your mouth is stupid but your mind is smart? Like you’re intelligent but you can’t express it when you’re speaking? It’s so frustrating.

2 months ago

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

2 months ago

Do you all introverts ever open a text and think, ‘I’ll reply when I have the energy,’ and then it’s three weeks, and you have to live with the guilt of being a horrible friend.

2 months ago

Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?

2 months ago

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

2 months ago

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

2 months ago

358 Funny ever quotes

“Kiss From a Rose” makes you think Batman Forever is the most romantic movie ever made.

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.

Have you ever just restarted the dryer because you didn’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

No one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying).

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

Y’all ever feel like your mouth is stupid but your mind is smart? Like you’re intelligent but you can’t express it when you’re speaking? It’s so frustrating.

Nobody has ever been given a cheeseburger and been upset about it.

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to skirt the issue.

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

I’ve heard so much about the “Eye of the Tiger,” but how come no one ever talks about the other four letters?

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

Mister Sandman, bring me a meme. Make it the dumbest shit that I’ve ever seen.

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.