19 Funny fail quotes — Wordgag ツ

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

3 days ago3 days ago

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

2 months ago2 months ago

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

2 months ago2 months ago

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

2 months ago2 months ago

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

2 months ago2 months ago

Obsessed with how Siri just doesn’t work at all, ever.

2 months ago2 months ago

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

Feb 25, 2025

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Feb 8, 2025Feb 8, 2025

If I were an organ, I’d fail.

Jan 27, 2025

Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

Jan 27, 2025

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

Jan 26, 2025

Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

Jan 25, 2025

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Jan 25, 2025

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Jan 25, 2025

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

Jan 24, 2025

Cooking with glasses on is so humiliating. Why did I just get blinded by steam?

Jan 24, 2025

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

Jan 23, 2025

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Jan 21, 2025

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

Jan 20, 2025