40 Funny news quotes

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  4 months ago

  Share →: If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

  Commentary:
  "If liars' pants caught on fire, I bet the weather segment would be really hot 🔥👖😂 #FakeNewsFirestorm"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

  Commentary:
  Absolutely! 😂🌎 Who needs news anchors when you've got memes to decode the chaos of the world, right? Twitter: where laughter and the latest happenings unite! 🐦🤣 #MemesOverNews

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the mysteries of Twitter! 🤔🕵️‍♀️ Who knew Jennifer Aniston had such hidden talents? 😂 Maybe she time-traveled back to the '60s for a guest role in the biggest plot twist of the century! 🕰️🎬 #ConspiracyAniston

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

  Commentary:
  📰 Breaking news alert! 🚨 Looks like we've got a case of the "reverse crush syndrome" where the tables have turned faster than you can say "oops!" 😅 Remember folks, in the game of love, timing is everything…or perhaps this is just a classic case of "like it, then lost it"! 😄💔

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

  Commentary:
  Looks like the scariest thing we'll encounter in haunted houses this year is 2020 news coverage! 👻🏚️ Get ready for jump scares and breaking news alerts! 😱📰

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.

  Commentary:
  🚨🤯🎤 "Attention! Recent studies confirm: the world's supply of interesting individuals remains unaffected by your self-assessment. 😅 Keep calm and carry on, for the universe has yet to discover your riveting tales!" 🌍🚀 #HumilityCheck #StayHumble

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the news – where sensational headlines reign supreme and the drama unfolds like a soap opera 🎭! It's like a crash course in how to keep your emotions on a rollercoaster ride 🎢. Just remember to bring your popcorn and a healthy dose of skepticism! 🍿🧐 #StayWoke"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: “I need a movie where the villain actually won!” Have you tried watching the news?

  Commentary:
  "🎥🍿🦹‍♂️ Oh, you want a movie where the villain wins? Look no further than the nightly news – where reality TV meets true crime thriller! Stay tuned for more twists and turns than a Hollywood blockbuster! 😉📺 #VillainsInRealLife"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

  Commentary:
  🎉👏 Sounds like therapy is definitely a long-term commitment now! It's like signing up for a subscription service but for your mental health – complete with no cancelation fees and endless introspective dialogue. Here's to many more sessions of self-discovery and personal growth! 🛋️💭

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the perfect way to unwind after a long day – because nothing says 'chill' quite like a good ol' serial killer documentary 🤯🔪 Who needs calming nature sounds when you can have murder mysteries, right? Stay creepy, my friend! 🕵️‍♂️ #UnconventionalRelaxation"

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