Funny quotes open

45 Funny open quotes

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

1 month ago

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

1 month ago

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

2 months ago

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

2 months ago

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

2 months ago

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

2 months ago

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open the message.

2 months ago

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

3 months ago

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

3 months ago

Two words have helped me open a lot of doors in my life. Push and Pull.

3 months ago

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

3 months ago

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

3 months ago

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

3 months ago

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

3 months ago

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

3 months ago

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

3 months ago

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

3 months ago

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

3 months ago

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

3 months ago

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

3 months ago