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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Life is short. Tell people you love them, so they block you sooner.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

I just went to Crazy Town, and they said you’re a local legend.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

No amount of daylight can save us.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,600

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I should’ve gotten my affairs in order before I decided to bite into this hot pepper.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

Trending via YouTube:

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

Just landed via Reddit:

Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Seen just now on Twitch:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

Going viral on WeChat:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m surviving motherhood, one teenage meltdown at a time.

82 Funny open quotes

Funny open quotes 🎉 are like the confetti 🎊 of conversation, sprinkling humor and wit into everyday chats! They’re the perfect icebreakers 😂, turning awkward silences into bursts of laughter. Whether you’re catching up with friends or need a clever retort in a text, these gems 💎 bring smiles and laughter to any moment. Ready to dive into a world where words tickle your funny bone? Let’s get giggling! 🤪

New funny open quotes 👇

I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

11 minutes ago

afford, affordability, comparison, door, humor, i, lids, open, Tupperware, vehicle, wing, wing door
I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

6 hours ago

context, humor, jar, open, self-deprecation, strength, strong
My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

9 hours ago

browser, confusion, frozen, humor, i, idea, mind, multitasking, music, open, tabs, technology, web, web browser
My brain has too many tabs open.

9 hours ago

brain, confusion, humor, multitasking, open, tabs
When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

9 hours ago

communication, expectations, feedback, honesty, humor, i, me, nice, open, sarcasm, self-defense, tell, violence
Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

13 hours ago

ask, computer, good, humor, i, life, morning, multitasking, nice, office, office life, open, procrastination, question, tab, tabs, weekend, work, work tab
When life shuts a door, open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.

17 hours ago

again, door, humor, life, motivation, open, persistence, work
Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

18 hours ago

awkward, awkward moment, beauty, beauty treatment, conversation, getting, humor, just, lady, moment, nothing, open, talking, treatment, wax, waxing, wild
I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

18 hours ago

age, aging, am, annoyance, being, door, doors, humor, i, left, light, lights, loud, noise, noises, open, people, where
You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

19 hours ago

2020, apocalypse, chaos, convince, hell, humor, living, me, open, pandemic, portal, still, surreal, year

For even more funny open quotes, hit next 👇

All funny open quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

98 shares on Discord this month:

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back with snacks, it was always meant to be.

64 shares on Threads this month:

Call me Frankenstein the way I’m piecing it together.

93 shares on X this month:

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

58 shares on TikTok this month:

Better to be an overthinker than an overdrinker.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

29 shares on X this month:

You should be able to google what someone said to you at the bar last night.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I tried to act normal once, worst five minutes of my life.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Notice how Lorde has a song called “Tennis Court” and not “Pickleball Court”? Tired of y’all pushing that fake sport.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If you like pointing out beautiful scenery to three people who are on their phones, a family road trip is for you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,729

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I like to notice patterns and do nothing about it.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999, I want to pay my bills like it’s 1999.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

They’re making me get out of bed.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

“Apple Music has better sound quality!” Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

Broadcasted on Threads:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Trending via WeChat:

Weird how I can’t seem to reach anything at the grocery store when hot men are around.

Going bananas on TikTok:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Does everyone’s inner monologue have a laugh track?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

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